Posts by Emma Hart
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Steve Barnes,
I was speaking for myself but I can see how you could think otherwise.
Like, because all the phrasing you used was general, and the lack of the word "I"?
On an individual level, I've already addressed this point twice, once in the original post, so I'm just going to assume Steve is having himself a little troll.
You must let me show you how I shake hands sometime. ;-)
Right. And then Tom can show you... I'm going to step out now.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Steve Barnes,
If sex became as socially acceptable as shaking hands then the desire would disappear, it is the “Naughtiness”, the forbidden fruit, the unavailability.
Yes Steve, before sex was taboo nobody had any. That's why we're extinct.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Nik C,
And Second, I would like to put forth the idea that sex ed communicates that A) masturbation is fun and will not cause your naughty bits to fall off
About the only thing that my school sex ed (delivered two years after I started having sex) got right was this.
"Make sure you have a deep relationship with this BOY because if you DON'T it will RUIN your life forever and you may as well go sit in a fridge, slag"
Had almost all of my teen sex in relationships. Terrible, fucked-up relationships.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Craig Ranapia,
Not sure how anyone would extrapolate into a belief that I’d put up with anyone subjecting me (or anyone else) to verbal or physical partner abuse.
The thing about D/s play, and Clarisse Thorn has written on this recently, is that it's trust-based. And every scene or session that goes well reinforces that trust. All players become more confident and comfortable in their roles, and the trust itself becomes highly eroticised. I've also been both physically and psychologically abused in relationships, and that's the opposite process: trust becomes completely destroyed. Each subsequent incident becomes more and more fraught and horrible. Psychologically, there is simply no resemblance at all.
Though surprisingly, no-one's mentioned anal sex yet.
Just... you... shush.
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And yet another thread manages to make its way, quite logically, to Buffy videos. So happy.
I'm going to info-dump a bit now. This is the kink research aggregation site I was supposed to dig up for Roger yesterday. And this youtube clip is largely stuff I've kind of said, but well-presented and with someone else saying it. (I consider it to be SFW.)
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Max Rose,
The desire to help, to enhance or to make others happy is common among dominants. This may be why so many dominants are in the teaching and helping professions: medicine, social work, religion.
Which, of course, is the exact opposite of the CEO myth. This is: people take the same roles sexually as they do in the rest of their lives.
Then I'm kind of led to say, okay, yes, there are times when my Dom is caring for me. Absolutely. But then there are times when I am giving service to him. So which one of us is The Carer? Does that designation make any more sense in a D/s relationship than it does in a vanilla one?
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,
If we get away from that stigma then we can look at why people like the stuff they do simply because it gives us insights into the human condition.
I linked to this repost of a Clarisse Thorn column on Twitter the other day, about whether BDSM is an orientation or not. Which also puts a whole different light on 'cause' questions.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Roger,
A basis for some research perhaps?
There is research, Roger. I'm about to run out the door and it'll take me a wee while to find it again, but there is a BUNCH of 'find me a cause' research about BDSM, and all of it says "Um, nope, it's not that." I know a bunch of Doms. I know a bunch of subs. If I gave you a list of their occupations, I doubt you could work out which list was which.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Sacha,
how does the quote play out at an individual level?
I talked about power dynamics in my first BDSM column. On an individual level? It varies from one individual to another. The only one I can really speak for is me. And that's a bit personal.
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Sacha,
Not saying I agree, but isn't that routinely trotted out to explain masochistic CEOs/politicians?
Yes it is. Also, I hear poor people are lazy.