Posts by Lilith __
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Moz,
This might feed into the whole viagra thing too – if both men and women expect that the opportunity for sex is all that should be required, then as those men age and need more foreplay, they will be likely to conclude that they are defective and need drugs to fix the problem.
There was a study someone did at Uni of Canterbury (sorry don’t have time to find the reference just now) into how ED had affected the sex lives of older couples. The conclusion was surprising – many of the couples in the study said their sex lives had improved, because they were having to find and invent new ways of pleasuring each other.
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Worth noting that arousal, orgasm and pleasure are distinct, and while it's expected we'll have all three at once, it's also possible to have any subset: orgasm without pleasure, pleasure without orgasm, orgasm without arousal, arousal and pleasure without orgasm, etc etc. We need to talk to each other more about this sort of stuff.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Russell Brown,
It’s a lovely trip at that time of day.
someone has to post this:
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Thanks for sharing your experiences Chris. It's interesting to hear that female partners have pressured you not to use condoms.
FWIW I think diaphragm insertion should be an Olympic sport. Take a largish circular object, cover one side with a slippery jelly, squeeze the edges of the object together tightly between thumb and fingers, working against the powerful spring which is trying to regain its circularity, then insert this deep into your vagina while still keeping a firm grip of it and making sure you don't spill the jelly and it doesn't flip over and/or hit either you or your partner in the eye. Do this in a hurry in the dark in a variety of locales. Anyone who can do this should have a medal. :-)
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to chris,
Chris – what I meant was just that, ideally, all this responsibility is shared, but most of the time, it’s seen as up to women to sort out and take care of. This doesn’t mean that any particular man is irresponsible or shirking, but more that there’s a common social expectation.
And without trying to diminish the troubles some men have with condoms, women have for so many years organised and put up with all manner of problematic contraceptive mechanisms: pills, IUDs, diaphragms, etc.
Talking about this sort of stuff goes into some very personal and emotionally-fraught territory, but I think we have to go there if we’re going to understand and communicate better about sex, contraception and STI prevention. And honestly, I haven’t known very many men who are proactive about these things.
I’m not trying to be divisive; I think we agree on fundamentals. But our experiences of sex and related issues are gendered, and I don’t think we can sidestep that.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to chris,
Genderizing this issue isn’t all that helpful.
Chris, I'm not sure what you mean by this. Surely discussing gendered roles and expectations and culture is never more relevant than when we talk about sexuality? And since we have physiological differences, surely we need to compare notes about how stuff feels or works for us?
If you mean, lets not be making sweeping generalizations about people based on their gender, I'm with you on that. But I don't think that means we can't talk in general terms about our own experiences.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Sofie Bribiesca,
I thought we all wanted equality here?
When contraception has been available, it's almost always women who've been expected to sort it out and put up with the inconvenience and side effects. I'd wager that amongst heterosexuals, it's also mostly women who get routine STI tests.
Is it so unfair to expect men to think about and deal with contraception/STI protection?
I know some men find condoms bothersome. And perhaps more research needs to be done into why some men find them difficult to use.
But taking responsibility for sex and keeping ourselves and our partners safe? That's something we should be sharing equally.
Even if they're happy to use them, how many men carry condoms with them? Many (heterosexual) men seem to expect that they can just be spontaneous and not have to think ahead.
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Hard News: Friday is for ..., in reply to Paul Williams,
Lilith, the genius of art is that I often think, “what thought process results in that notion”?
Anyone with a spare 27 minutes might enjoy this TED talk on creative play. It’s focused on design, but I think the ideas are applicable to many other fields. I found it fascinating, and it accords with my own experience in art and design – that breaking down the inhibitions you didn’t know you had leads to innovative and successful work.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to BenWilson,
When you consider the highly competitive sexual market, I’m not surprised kids would ditch them a lot
Ben: was this really your experience of sex as a teen? A competitive sexual market? My teen experiences weren't remotely like that, but then my social circle may not have been a typical one. You're saying teens get in a situation where insisting on condom use leads to being ditched for someone less fussy?
I have been in situations where blokes were unwilling to use them, but in all cases they've either changed their minds or we've settled for a non-penetrative option.
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Hard News: Friday is for ..., in reply to George Darroch,
Since I just stumbled over it; almost certainly the most incredible, possibly the most beautiful thing you’ll see today. William Trubridge’s 100m freedive in December last year, on behalf of our Maui’s Dolphin.
Crikey, that is beautiful and terrifying! Tendency to hold your breath in sympathy! Unbelievable feat.
Lilith_, that made my afternoon, thanks!
Most welcome, Paul. :-) I love it when someone makes something beautiful from mundane materials + cleverness.