Posts by Philip Challinor
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The bridge is the one between the living world and the dead, and my Nigerian grandma is stuck on it until her body is properly buried with all due rite and ritual. Her soul must remain half-way between worlds, suspended above the chasm of oblivion, until I acquire sufficient funds to feel amenable to taking her remains out of the fridge.
Offers of spiritual wealth will be scorned; cash or PayPal only.
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Anyone here from Christchurch? Want to buy a bridge, or some shares in my deceased millionaire Nigerian grandma?
Way off topic, I know, but somebody had to say it.
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Photo number six makes him look like Anton Chigurh. I bet he likes playing with his little bolt-gun.
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God saw Bishop Brian down under,
And rent his divine robe asunder:
"His hair is too spiky,
The bloke's looking dykey -
JC, sonny, pass me the thunder!" -
Quoth Hide: "When I snortle my drugglers,
All whingers and wankers and strugglers
Do seem to my brain
Little more than the stain
In my second-best budgie-smugglers." -
I hope you will consider attending some cultural safety courses, Philip, before your insensitivity causes somebody to take their own life
I think it shows a certain aesthetic insensitivity on your part to focus so obsessively on the use, in a single line, of necklessness as a moral metaphor. In terms of driving people to suicide, in fact, my real artistic hopes were that the first couple of lines would enable me to bag a few baldies.
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In days he had hair to dishevel,
Young Rodney was quite on the level;
But, casting an eye
On a big slice of pi,
He sold his own neck to the devil. -
The Leader of Men said with pride,
As his eyes went all boggly and pied:
"You may take the mickey,
But I sniff the sticky
And prove that there's nothing to Hide." -
Most disgruntled to hear mine host endearing himself to the public as a satirist while revelling - yes, revelling - in his status as a humorist the whole time. Disgruntled customers who thought the Reserve Bank Annual was the inauguration of a new wave (and/or tide) of New Zealand satire will be queuing up for explanations as to how and why the ostensible Bollard-bashing turned overnight into good-natured ribbing, as between one hardened netball fan and another. I myself would probably be asking for my money back now, if I had paid for my copy instead of snatching it from an infant tourist. There will be disgruntlement, mark my words.
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I once saw an advertisement which compared the shape of Italy to that of, of all places, Cornwall. I think the idea was that, while it is rather expensive to go and see all those basilicas and paintings and palazzi and be punted around Venice, you can do much the same sort of thing more cheaply in Cornwall with the added possibility of falling down a tin mine.
So I suspect Tiso is double-bluffing and is really from Truro. I bet they have accents there, as well.