Cracker by Damian Christie

I've only seen the TV show that was on the other week, but I was tremendously impressed with Danny Bhoy - genuinely laugh out loud funny.

I'm remarkably unimpressed with the comedy festival on the other hand. Hardly any of it is coming to Dunedin. Even the comedy convoy skips Dunedin somehow between Christchurch, Queenstown and Invercargill

It wasn’t a great surprise to read in the paper yesterday that Bridget Saunders’ About Town will be no more. After pretty much inventing the gossip pages for this generation ...

Which she did, actually. She was never going to be Dominic Dunne, but she did create something that became so popular that the HoS had no choice but to copy.

Glucina did her an enormous favour by emulating her style so wretchedly. I confess, I do actually take a perverse delight in seeing what indignities Glucina has forced on the English language each Sunday.

If anyone is looking for a job, here is the advertisement; since it involves representing the masthead at public events (getting pissed at parties), it may well be the job for you, Mr Christie:

The ideal candidate will be an experienced writer with a flair for words and a talent for gathering must-read news about New Zealand’s best-known faces. The person must have superb contacts across the country, in spheres as diverse as entertainment, sport, business and the food scene. The successful columnist will be connected to all levels of New Zealand society and celebrity, and be abreast of the latest news and trends.

A background in journalism – either newspaper or magazines – would be well-regarded; otherwise the columnist will need to demonstrate an ability to deliver crisp, accurate and compelling copy, and work to deadlines. Willingness to work as part of a close-knit team and represent the masthead at public events – day or night - are other essential aspects to the role.

The successful candidate, who will be engaged as a contractor, will need flexibility around their working hours, and remuneration will reflect their experience.

To apply, send your CV and a covering letter (by Wednesday, May 27) to:

Rosalie Thomson
PA to the Managing Editor, Fairfax Sundays

Email: rosalie.thomson@star-times.co.nz

I saw Glenn Wool play at the same venue in the link - he was great. Strangely it also had the guy off that London Pride sausages add?

Re Glaucoma (and lordy me, that was cutting man!), I know of a few venue owners who have made keeping her out a condition of hiring their place for a party.

I remember the arrival of Bridget's column in print. Never got the hints, hardly ever knew any people in the photos. Always seemed to be the same small group of boring easties and as you say promo girls.

Last time I checked online, Saunders' column there had degenerated into idiotic and reactionary musings about things she clearly didn't know much about, attracting similarly vapid comments. Plenty of that content on talkback if I ever wanted it.

By all accounts Glucina seems to be suffering from Eastie girl syndrome - constant diet of unconditional affirmation growing up, job handed on a plate by mummy and daddy and hence vastly inflated sense of her own worth and sadly diminished one of others.

I suppose over time you can judge gossip columnists by what they don't say. If you can be bothered.

I say apply for the job, Damian. You can't do any worse and it's bound to involve free piss.

Haha, if I needed *more* free piss in my life, I'd consider it, although I think first I'd rather try licking the floor of pub toilets for alcohol-infused urinal splashback before I took on the job of gossip columnist.

That's remarkably lucid and balanced thinking, I'd have to say. Disqualifies you automatically.

Never got the hints, hardly ever knew any people in the photos.

Too many of those blind items are blind to the point of being severely disabled.

When you read something like "Which property developer's secret mistress is threatening to be secret no more?", the actual desire to know the answer is virtually non-existent.

Likewise all the property developers who have drug habits, gambling debts and plastic surgery. I don't care, because such things aren't even interesting among my friends, let alone strangers.

I think first I'd rather try licking the floor of pub toilets for alcohol-infused urinal splashback before I took on the job of gossip columnist.

ur gross

Ae, Robyn. Some of those blind items seem written for a handful of people who would know or care. I guess the rest of us are meant to stand around them admiringly oohing and aaahing over the exciting lives of our betters. All very high school. Gossip Girl does it so much better.

Hardly any of it is coming to Dunedin. Even the comedy convoy skips Dunedin somehow between Christchurch, Queenstown and Invercargill

though surely that will all change with the new stadium, eh?

Is the rumour I heard true, that it can't be used for cricket?

What will they do with it in summer - grazing?

It's becoming increasingly bad form to talk about the stadium down here. Tearing friends and families apart, it's the Springbok Tour of Dunedin's new millenium.

Ian D - as an ORC ratepayer, I can safely say that ALL my rate monies that are devoted to The Awatea Bloody Useless Putative Stadium are

WASTED-

Gee, pioneer that she may be, you've been pretty generous to her there, but at least balanced I guess.

The only ink that I've found to be more of a waste to our environment than Bridget's mindless rantings is the awful 'Denise & Pebbles' in... whatever it's in - i don't read it any more because of it, but I think it might be Canvas.

I once dealt with Bridget in a Vodafone retail store. Like with every customer, ESPECIALLY those in the Newmarket/Remuera area who had their 'money to throw around' I bent over backwards to help her, getting little more respect than the toilet paper she'd flushed that morning, or the 4 people in the store she shoved passed to get 'help' (although can i call it help if she was telling ME what i was supposed to do?).

Short of curing Cancer or Aids, the woman has no reason to a) Put herself in a position where she can gossip about others in such a manner; or b) treat people the way i saw her treat people on a few occasions.

I do hope the booby trap i left in her repaired phone was of some discomfort to her, although she must've gone to another store after that as I never heard from her again :-)

Adrian

You didn't root up her Blackberry did you? Personally I would have thrown it at your head and put the insurance claim form in right there for the damage someone at Vodafone did to it.

as well as Englishmen Mark Watson

Better late than never: Welshman Mark Watson.

Welshman Mark Watson.

Born in Bristol of Welsh heritage. He does his standup in a Welsh accent, but seems to normally (interviews and whatnot) speak with an English accent.

I saw Glenn Wool play at the same venue in the link - he was great.

Glenn Wool is great - very funny guy - but how can he (as he says on his website) claim to be Canadian and reject Canada's beloved crime solving German Shepherd? He is referring to the tv show The Littlest Hobo which had two incarnations - one in 1963 to 1966 and the other in the mid 1970s, although both had the same catchy theme song.

The Hobo was a stray dog who rode the freight trains from town to town, pulling unconscious children from burning buildings, foiling would be kidnappers, saving people from drowning, rescuing other (dumber) species from various fates, preventing murders, leading doctors to injured children lost in the woods. Every episode ended sadlly, with the dog declining the offer of a comfortable suburban home, and the final camera shot when the credits rolled was of the countryside rolling by from the boxcar, shot from behind the dog's ears.

The Littlest Hobo

I believe in one of those shots the dog is actually driving a car.