Cracker: Flashback
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merc,
Have you ever seen The Dualists?
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Just running a storyline up the flag pole to see who salutes:
Beautiful heiress "Missy" Kadife Blue is searching for the Scared Gestetner, source of The Thread That Won't Die. Unfortunately so are Doctor Von Krankenhausen(merc) and his horde of evil surf nazi hampsters and guinea pigs (Rob and Riddley). They have captured "Missy" and are going to play Kenny G music at her until she is rescued by a dashing hero (who may be or maynot be called Scott) ( or Timmy).
I'm seeing U.S. wide release hunnerd and fifty plus screens? I'm seeing media saturation and Oprah guestings, I'm seeing alot of things, thanks Riddley (cute little pigeon btw).
For this arvo, I have some Saint Pailly '63 straw and Ohakune '07 cos lettuce. -
merc,
I stopped reading at "Missy", sorry start again, don't you know who will be funding this?
I can't be cast, I don't show up in photos, duh. Oh and don't mention the "N" word, remember our secondary thread view goal. Nice Kenny G segway but he is already working for Satan.
R. what the hell were you thinking, that's plainly a straw lettuce script. -
first scenes in the can. but we need water. water. and a leeeetle beet of monet. it's a bleedin desert out here.
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merc,
No Monet, read Rimbaud. Whinger.
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hard to english speaking extras here. can you crank up the co-production wagon? start talks with gaumont, but don't let them sell you any cheese.
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No monet? the extras sont fache. I will try to calm them with fish oil. But i don't think they'll work without monet.
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merc,
Monet's dead! Threaten them with fish oil napalm. Hey, what extra's you can't hire anybody, your only on spec.
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I just got an invoice for 600 freakin' camels! From someone called Major-General His Excellency Amil bin Basha. What are you getting us into Rob!!!
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Rob is not able to reply. But please send more pigeons.
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merc,
Milo! How are ya mate, been a long time, still with the pigeons I see.
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Hungry merc. always hungry.
this "rob" he made us certain promises. we are birds of our word. now we're dealing with the real cahuna, that's nice.
we show you a leeetle beet of yr "film" if send just a couple more pigeons. or do you have guineapigs? -
merc,
I have a nice little oink shaved one, but he's family and Mum would kill me twice if I let you at him. How about Hamishm, he's a fresh one.
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hamishm will do but pronto.
here is your pesky "footage" in mouthage.But we want more rodents.
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merc,
Milo, it's not often my jaw drops to the floor but I think you have just totally vindicated Blog Boosters existence. Indeed if there is a God, we would get a grant for that right now.
Che said he's sent a cheque in the mail to Blog Boost (TM verb)) his site, frankly after watching this, I say we double bill him, God I love you man.
All the rest of you...you're FIRED! -
Hey!!! You guys got no respect or somethin' I am not for eating or nuthin" and I take no little exception to the suggestion. Besides I'd be very bad for you, honestly, worse than Palm Oil.
The films lookin' pretty good, by the way though I see no rodents of any kind and this may cause confusion when the backers want to see the rushes of "Killer Surf Zombie Hamsters go Cycling", but that is an executive decision. I unnerstand. -
merc,
Ar Hamishm, that movie title you talk of didn't even make it past planning, you're darn lucky you even got in the first cut you ass, and are you threatening us? Really, you think we're funny? Funny how?
The rodents? There are no rodents because their absence is their presence you idjeet, this is art man, this is My Oscar (cue little girl in red coat).
Look, you're booked on an Emirates flight to Burkino Faso, you wanna go or what? -
More rodents are due on set, any minu-
now hammeeesh, cher ami, you are on your way, ne c'est pas? We have un auto en attendant at the mudstrip, just to take you to your trailer.
Pardonnez-moi for the lack of rodents a ce moment. We had rodents and I turned my back for a second. -
Well! Having dined on Eusa's gourmet assortment of lettuce and imported straws, i passed out and now appear to be in bloody Burkina Fasao. numerous thin looking locals eyeing up my weel-shaped thighs. not at all comfortable. suspiciously few rodents about the place.
also need monet but not sure there's much pointilist. camel invoice obviously a billing error, they were meant to be cod. before leaving my hutch for Eusa's recevied large shipment of bass but no camels. will contact accounts. was going to sort it out with Eusa before losing consciousness.
please send GSG9 pigeons, will need advanced training to get out of this pickle (am actually in pickle, hungry looking locals said it wa good for the rash i've developed; remain skeptical).i think i can see milo from here, he is circling overhead; reassuring to have some company at least.
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guys... why has a box of pigeons turned up to my workplace?
there's a script saying, "take one daily with water".
[signed: confused public servant]
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merc,
Stay the hell away from my Milo R. or we may have to remind Mama about that bunny incident. However, good to,see you're on set and awake, Hamishm is going to be there soon, make sure he doesn't make an ass of himself.
Span wants to know what we can do for her blog and Che has already sent money, keep in touch and just let Milo do his thing, we don't want to burn this one eh? -
Milo, pardonnez moi, we 'ave the busyness talk, capiche?
m, Riddley, now I am a guy who unnerstans art, you know Rembrandt and that, but we got backers who Riddely signed with even if he don't remember. Now these are citizens, some connected with waste management, who are very serious people and will be expecting to see rodents. You see the problem!!!
Che has recieved the first warning which I why I said I was him, no hard feelings pal, so we have to move on this!!! -
roger wilko m.
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Heeelppp!
very dark in here. extras have broken into the gaffer truck. think i just sat on a rat.
hope that wasn't r....
when i agreed to obfuscate, merc, you didn't tell me we were dealing with that psychopathic hook-beak milo. don't like his eyes.
suspect links to the gestetno!
someone might have to call the*tr* and kill the undead thread (TM), and we all know what happens when you mess with the undead.
or can we rely on gannets? -
merc,
Hamishm, naturally you are concerned, jetlagged, dilerious even, however, you're not making any sense man, none at all. That stunt you pulled with Che, that's going to cost us dude, cost you, bigtime. Do I have to send Mr. Wolf over there or what?
Whining, whining, always whining, R. is there on set and if he can't rodentify (verb) this thing then it's yo ass, geddit?
Next time you make a promise you can't keep remember I still got the tapes of that thing you did with Britney and Paris, sometimes, you know, I can be disgusted.
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