After my last posting in which I mentioned a very funny British book of grumpiness, gripes and satirical pokes at tossers - Is It Me Or Is Everything Shit? -- it occurred to me that we should have our own collection of bitches, moans, skewerings and smart-arse comments about how everything just seems to be getting worse.
Of course it would be very easy to fill with political swipes, but let’s not go there, huh?
There are plenty of other things to be irritated by -- and the politicos get theirs anyway. So here are some starters to get us going: There could be a Public Address book in this, huh?
Books of Lists: Anything with 101 Things/Places/Songs . . . (or worse 1001 . . .) in the title. Enough with the lists. There’s only one good one: it is Reasons To Be Cheerful: 101 Things That Make Life Worth Living -- but I’ve only written the first 27 (title and concept © Graham Reid)
All other books of lists are tripe.
If you want to get to the 1001 Places to See Before You Die which is on your coffee table you are hardly going to sit around reading about them.
Could this genre get any worse? Is someone going to write 100 Things To Do When You’re Dead?
Oh, someone called Rob Bailey has? Jeez, enough with the lists.
“Which tele-blonde. . . “: My thinking is that these women who appear regularly in the Guess Who Don’t Sue or other gossip tattle columns are actually the same woman who is a sexual athlete with the morals of a goat -- or else she maybe just doesn’t exist and it was a slow week for gossip? Whatever, let’s have no more of these anonymous blondes, huh?
Fatties on Television Losing Weight: If you want to lose weight just do it. Don’t bore us with your tears, struggle and the validation you need by doing it on television just because some tosser from a production company seduces you with money and promises. People, they don’t care about you!. These bastards would film cats vomiting if they thought they could get it on screen! Have some dignity and self-respect, cut out the fizzies, get thee to a gym -- and get off the screen.
The Weather Ambassador: Okay, Spain and Japan have ambassadors, that seems to make sense. But the weather? It’s not like Bob McDavitt works for “The Weather“, is it? It’s the weather, stupid. Get out a dictionary. Bob doesn’t represent a state or sovereign in a foreign country, he heads no mission. People giving themselves such titles are just plain dopey. More dopey though are those who indulge them. This one should have been scotched a long time ago. You don’t see heads of independent churches calling themselves “Bishop” do you? Oh, you do?
Will Ferrell: Averaging three films a year so some are bound to be bad. But quite so many? Step Brothers? Nah, you’re shit mate, it’s over. Don’t ever call again.
Okay, there’s the idea. Run with it folks. And let’s see how far we can get before someone puts in something political.
(An entry right there: Knobheads Who Shove Politics into Every Otherwise Interesting Discussion>)
Go!
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