I keep forgetting to post this.
Richard Irvine has been creating some rather exemplary sports cartoons for quite a while now. One series in particular seems apt to post the day before the event that TV3 has cringingly dubbed: Henry vs Deans III.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to present, Dingo Deans: Double Agent
Click the image to go through to the whole series (of three)
It's Thursday, so you know what that means! Thursday Night Rugby! You've been waiting all week for it and now it's here! And it will be a great game featuring 12th placed Manawatu against 11th placed Taranaki! Oh, how splendid an affair!
In The System we discussed many ideas to try and "rev up" the current national provincial rugby championship (whatever name it shall be called). What surprised me was how there didn't seem to be a consensus view, and because of that I make a small apology to the NZRU. It's harder than it looks to please all of the people all of the time.
Then again, in Boston, the Red Sox play 81 regular-season home games each year (or 27 three-game series) in Fenway Park (the oldest ballpark) with a seating capacity of 39,928. Yet, despite the huge number of games and the huge capacity of the park (albeit the fourth smallest), they sold out Fenway a record-breaking 456 consecutive games. This would be roughly like Wellington selling out every Super 14 and Lions game for 32 years.
How do they do it? To be honest I don't know. Baseball is not exactly the American equivalent of cricket or rugby for us; it is, after all, their "national pastime". But even with blind patriotism, filling a 40,000 seat stadium every game over six seasons is big feat. Have the All Blacks ever done such a thing at their various home games?
I really do believe the answer to attendance lies in the study of teams and phenomenon like this. What is it that draws people to games?
A study a while ago (the link for which I am feverishly searching) suggested that it was famous players that drew crowds. Simply have one or two players that everyone knows and watch the punters roll in. When I went to the rugby a few weeks ago, the children I was sitting beside were asking me: "which one is Weepu? He's an All Black, aeh?"
Or is it promotions that bring in fans? Should the already financially-stretched teams have give-aways? Should games provide more "entertainment" both on and off the field? Should games be geared towards tries, tries and more tries? Who is to say? Well, not you; if history is anything to go by.
But let us return for a moment to the rugby competition du jour: Were you aware that Waikato sits ahead of three teams (Otago, Tasman and Auckland) with a better record? Did you know that North Harbour sits ahead of one team (Auckland) with a better record?
Both Waikato and Harbour have won only two games each, yet due to the "it's ok to lose if you lose close" rule, they have more "competition points". It is the opinion of this blog (and this one) that bonus points are for a lower class of individual.
If the current rules for rugby are test cricket then the bonus point-mired systems, such as the Super 14, are 20-20 but without the fun it would seem.
If we were to remove the bonus points from the current Air New Zealand Cup standings (and solve ties by points-differential) the top five places and bottom four places would remain unchanged but Waikato and North Harbour would sink to ninth and tenth respectively. Auckland would float up to a respectable seventh despite having the rather awful points-differential of -21.
But enough of pondering what might be, let us smear our thoughts with what is.
The Friday match between Bay of Plenty and Auckland in Rotorua would seem to me to be the best of a fairly bland mid-competition week. Although, Wellington versus Waikato should also be of some interest.
From the drizzle-soaked fields of the shakey isles to the heat sink that is Beijing, where the 2008 Paralympics are on and New Zealand is doing fantastically well. So well in fact that some of our underperforming Olympic athletes may be considering a change of code, so to speak.
On a quick side note: what an interesting word, "Paralympics". It feels like it needs a hypen and an "o" to be correct, and yet it is simply an accidental creation by someone with more marketing skills than Greek:
Although the name was originally coined as a portmanteau combining 'paraplegic' (due to its origins as games for people with spinal injuries) and 'Olympic', the inclusion of other disability groups meant that this was no longer considered appropriate. The present formal explanation for the name is therefore that it derives from the Greek preposition παρά, pará ("beside" or "alongside") and thus refers to a competition held in parallel with the Olympic Games. As such it is strictly erroneous, as the properly formulated compound word should be "Parolympic".
One of the sports at this year's games that we may do well in is <ahttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boccia" target="_blank"> Boccia. No I didn't know what it was either. It is basically Bocce or Pétanque, which means that competitors will be hindered by both their physical disability and the large amounts of wine they shall have to consume during the match. Boccia is also one of three Paralympic sports that have no Olympic counterpart; points shall be awarded to those who guess the other two in the comments.
I did feel for Paula Tesoriero flying over her handlebars while attempting to grab a New Zealand flag from the crowd. But it is lucky for us in that we haven't seen a good Mintie's Moment in a long while and lucky for her she had actually finished the race. I imagine, however, that she was rather saw [sic]. Paula has now re-saddled her mechanical horse and may soon be riding for another medal.
And finally, it seems that the bastard child of rugby, rugby league, can create some of the most amazing athletes. Provided they are either hitting someone or playing a sport that is almost identical.
We were somewhere on the edge of Waitangi Park when the beer began to take hold…
We were on our way to Beervana (the BrewNZ awards and expo). It was freezing, the ground was soaked and the Overseas Terminal on the waterfront seemed far away.
Only an hour ago my cultural attaché and I had been drinking at the Malthouse in preparation. The Malthouse was chosen as it was both the "official" bar of Beervana and a place where I had a token for a free beer. While my attaché had a Stuntwoman Pilsner I decided to throw caution to the wind and have a beer called Armageddon.
Armageddon comes from the Epic brewery in Auckland. Three kegs of the 26-hops-per-glass beer were delivered to the Malthouse for Beervana. The first keg was tapped at 10pm on Friday and was empty by Saturday, so I needed to try it before the other two disappeared. Armageddon is a dark copper beer with a mild nose which hides a flavour that doesn't so much clear your palate as blast your tongue with a flavour of a thousand suns. Which is not say it's a bad flavour, in fact half way through the glass I found it immensely drinkable. The problem came with my second beer, a Mata Artesian, in that I found I couldn't taste it. It took almost ten minutes for my taste buds to recover.
And flavour was the theme of Beervana. Every brewer spoke about the aroma and flavours of their beers. The dry bite of feijoa, the tang of grapefruit, the hint of cinnamon, the richness of whiskey. This beer compliments salty fish and cheese; this one will clean out the heavy oils; this one matches chocolate cake and blue cheese. Therefore, having working taste buds was an asset.
All day Martin Bosley had been doing cooking sessions where he would create a dish and serve it with a matching beer. I caught the crostini with broad bean paste, sardine and parmesan matched with Epic Pale Ale, the pan-seared salmon (do not season your fish before searing!) with Crouchers Pale Ale, and the pilchards with stout (I can't remember which one). Bosley did mention that he felt he was losing some customers who really did want good beer while he was only serving Heineken and Peroni and that he would really need to expand his selection.
But to the drinking! I started with my old favourite the Epic Pale Ale (winner of the best Pale Ale [pdf] for the second year running). Luke from Epic is well known by many "internet folk" for his fantastic advertising idea of giving free beer to well-connected people and selling on word of mouth.
Interview with Luke here (mp3 10Mb)
But I wanted to expand my horizons while I was here, after all Beervana is a state of mind. My next stop was Crouchers, a brewery from Rotorua, and creator of a lovely golden pilsner, and a wheat beer called "The Hef" (named after both Hugh Hefner and David Hasslehoff). Surprisingly the Crouchers Pilsner held up quite well against the Epic (considering that the EPA has 16 hops per bottle) and was a very good beer.
Crouchers interview here (mp3 2.7Mb)
After conferring with some other attendees I tried the Captain Cooker from the Mussel Inn (or pig beer as I affectionately called it). A nice drop that I was fond of but it didn't "wow" me. It was richer than I expected and had an "older", richer flavour to it. The actual Mussel Inn though is worth a visit if you're in the Nelson/Tasman area.
Vox-pop interview here (mp3 4.5Mb)
As Ben (of Webstock fame) said in the brief vox-pop above time was running out. The event finished at 10 and beer sales would cease at that time. Next stop, simply because I like their beer, was Mata (as mentioned previously). However, I shall not be buying their feijoa beer. While its dryness might be nice in the middle of summer, I don't think I could drink more than a half. Very crisp and fruity but not my kind of beer I'm afraid.
Interview with Mata here (mp3, 4.5Mb)
It was while I was sampling the feijoa beer that I noticed a large redheaded man with a fine beard and decked out in Scottish finery. Imagine my surprise at his very New Zealand accent. He was attending with the Greenman Brewery, and told me that I had to try their Whiskey Dopelboch. That's right, beer with Whiskey in it! If good Champagne is like "angels pissing in your mouth" then this was what you would drink to get rid of that awful mental image.
Greenman interview here (mp3, 7.1Mb)
(Caution, this paragraph contains a rant) Speaking of "pissing in your mouth", I have to mention the one terrible flaw of the Malthouse: its urinals. For some reason the upmarket beer-bar, catering to those who don't want to "sink piss" but would rather drink a refined boutique brew, has urinals shaped like an open mouth with large red lips. Yes, you piss in a woman's mouth. It's disturbing, it's out of place, and it's incredibly sexist (I asked and there is no equivalent in the ladies either). I would recommend the Malthouse replace them quickly. Rant over, for now.
Back to Beervana. What a wonderful event! I tried a large number of beers I hadn't previously, learned a lot more about the types of food and had some wonderful conversation. I also learned some history: many of the brewers were German and many of those adhere to Purity Law of 1516, where only four ingredients can be allowed in the brewing of beer: water, yeast , malt and hops. So the raspberry beer was right out.
Thanks to Bridgette of BrewNZ for letting me and my recorder inside. And those who have been listening to the audio, you will know that I thought everything was "fantastic".
After that my attaché and other chaps headed into the night and ended up at the opening of Watusi, a fantastic bar that played good rock ‘n' roll and served frozen cocktails. For the first time in my life I wanted a beer instead.
Click here for the gallery of Beervana pics
Today, children, we are going to do an experiment. But first:
…take a look at this crowd. That should keep those [people] who say rugby is "dead in the provinces" quiet…
That was Grant Nisbett talking about the massive crowd that packed in to Yarrows Stadium in New Plymouth to watch the All Black take on Samoa. Why should you, as did, instantly call "Bullshit" on his claim?
Perhaps because this is the first ever All Black match to be played in New Plymouth. I suggest that before declaring the resurgence of rugby-love in "the provinces" we look at the gate takings of provincial level games.
But if you were looking to make people like rugby then this exhibition match friendly <ahref="http://www.rugbymuseum.co.nz/teamsheet.asp?level1=All_Blacks&Level2=ABC&MT_ID=2159" target="_blank">test was definitely the event to show. It was like the Harlem Globetrotters were in town (barring a couple of very boring periods of scrum resets and phase play). The All Blacks scored 14 tries (and one penalty try) and nearly all of them in some exciting backline move (I assume that Tracey Nelson will have her stats here soon), they racked up a ton (predicted by both myself and Ian Smith, thank you), and they did most of it smiling.
The final score was 101-14, but on the Dropkicks alternative score board it was Samoa 39, Māori 15, Australia 5, Everyone else 56 (which was decided upon after Muliaina's opening try when the commentators predictably yelled "born in Samoa!")
I want to get on to something else so I'm just going to give you a run down of the team as compiled by my friend Dom and me via email this morning:
So on to my actual topic: How do we "fix" rugby?
There does seem to be a general apathy towards the Air New Zealand Cup, with the only time people took a strong interest being when Northland and Tasman were cut. And I know that from the discussions in the System that I am not the only one who thinks that the "Powers That Be" in the NZRU need to display some testicular (or the female equivalent) fortitude.
So, to our experiment!
We are the public; we are the consumer group that the NZRU needs to convince to watch rugby. How can the system be changed so that more people are interested in and entertained by the game?
Over at the Dropkicks I held forth with my draft policy document for the NZRU to consider. However, I am but one man (as far as I am aware). You, on the other hand, number in the thousands (or at the very least the twos).
So Hivemind, get to it in the discussion. You can use my rather communist revenue sharing plan or create your own rugby utopia (or Frutopia, that one's for Emma) but eventually I want to be able to be able to present the plan to the NZRU as a "for fans, by fans" approach. And remember, there are no wrong answers.
Oh, and if you don't like rugby: first of all, thanks for reading down this far; second, please leave your suggestions too as you are an "uncaptured demographic".
Pick the person who doesn't have kids: one man returns from the concession stand with four punnets of chips, four hamburgers, four bags of fried donuts, pockets full of tomato sauce packets and a jacket stuffed with soft drink bottles.
The other man returns with one bag of donuts, two hotdogs and four beers.
And while my friend was glad for the hotdog, he declined the beer and the kids were unhappy with having to share the fried donuts. Well, that'll teach the wee fellows for booing my team.
Yes, this weekend I managed to obtain free tickets to the top-of-the-table clash between the Mighty Bay of Plenty and the cheating bastard Wellingtonians.
I was decked in glorious sun-yellow and ocean-blue that is the true spirit of the Bay of Plenty. It's a jersey I bought in Rotorua the night the Bay took on the British and Irish Lions, then later that week I got it signed by Bay of Plenty legend Wayne Ormond at a New Zealand Māori All Blacks function I had been invited to. Strangely he signed it "Wayne Ormond 6#". This meant a year or so later when we watched the Bay play Wellington my friends and I were able to yell: "Come on Six Number!"
But I digress.
This weekend was "kids get in free" day at the Stadium, and this is why my friend brought along his kids. In fact, this is why everyone brought along their kids. Well that and the fact that Wellington had put on one of its trademark beautiful days. Sun and crisp air: the perfect combo for afternoon rugby.
And there were plenty of Mums and Dads surrounded by flocks of children in varying degrees of supporter's colours (though my favourite was the girls dressed as princesses, hey, who said you can't go to the rugby dressed as a princess). It was also notable that a lot of the youngsters were dressed in Phoenix apparel. Brian Lochore must be spinning in his grave.
There was a small blemish to this fantastic day of cheerfulness and sunshine. Remember the Phoenix game where the stadium folk didn't have their shit sorted out and long queues meant many season ticket holders were stuck outside while the game was played in front of empty stands? Well it seems they haven't learned.
While children were free, they still required a ticket. Yes, that does sound stupid. What it also meant was there were huge queues outside the stadium while inside the game had started. Who could've guessed that on a sunny Saturday afternoon a game between the two undefeated teams in the competition where kids can get in free would attract a large number of walk-ups?
Finally someone realised that there were a lot of people waiting outside in lines rather than inside spending money on food and merchandise and the gates were opened. And once inside it was clear what a difference a "children are free" day makes.
You know how loud kids sound in a café or a plane; well imagine hundreds and hundreds of children (15,242 was the official crowd figure) packed into a stadium known for its loudness. Now give those kids sugar and inflatable noise-making things and you have some idea of the noise made when Wellington scored. It was, in a word: awesome. And more than that, it was fun.
The children were genuinely excited. The kids we were with would jump up and dance to the music, they stood on the seats, they tried to yell for Wellington as loud as I was yelling for the Bay, and they actually loved the game.
NZRU take note: afternoon games grow the sport.
Before the game I was chatting to some old guys at the pub where I was waiting for my friend. We were discussing games around the country and how they fared. The two guys were annoyed that the Wellington union had doubled the ticket price recently but were complaining that no one was attending matches. "Times are hard all-round" I said. Agreement was nodded into beers.
Just a quick side note here. To cheer for the Bay of Plenty you yell "Go the Bay". The phrase "C'mon the Bay" is one more closely associated with Hawke's Bay. The differences are subtle but important as the Bays (Hawke's, Plenty and Nelson) have quite a strong rivalry stretching all the way back to the days of the first ever NPC in 1976 (won by BOP over Hawke's Bay). "Go the Bay" may sound silly but it is exquisite in it's message; while not specific it conveys a more broad statement of your wish for the Bay players to progress in their many tasks upon the field. No room for misinterpretation there.
Sadly for my proud blue and yellows the day was not to be theirs. They had reverted to their "roll it forward" offence and "no tackle" defence. The "roll it forward" offence is a traditional technique employed by the Bay wherein, should a Bay player be within five metres of the line they must take the ball and roll it along the ground in a forward motion in order to give the opposition possession.
No, I'm not bitter. For those keeping score (and clearly someone was) it was 48-12 to the Lions.
As we exited some Wellington supporters told us "It gonna be a long trip home guys", to which I replied: "To Newtown?"
Actually I do like New Zealand rugby supporters. They are usually quite good natured and won't give you too much of a ribbing (except Cantabrians who I have only heard bad things about).
Even as we walked out of the gates the security guard saw me grinning at a text message and remarked "Good to see you guys are smiling".