Field Theory by Hadyn Green

The first:
There's something to be said for muscle memory. I saw it in the pre-match drills at the netball on the weekend. The odd mechanical motion of the Pulses' newbies, like their cogs haven't found the right groove. Compared to the smooth interactions and motions of the Silver Ferns in the team they were playing. The Magic look like Lamborghinis, effortlessly turning, accelerating, hitting full speed, then stopping instantly and doing it again.

The good teams, the really good teams, have a fluidity about them. And it's beguiling to watch. The (apparently) home crowd for the Pulse are doing a lot of cheering for the Magic. But why not, these players are amazing. Some are national sporting heroes.

So the biggest crowd the Pulse get all season is actually there to watch the opposition.

And really, it gets really dull supporting a losing team. How often can you happily clap and cheer when your team scores to be only 14 points down? How often can you keep writing the same story about them?

I talked to Penny Miles, netball reporter for the DomPost about this.

She talked about how it becomes hard positioning the story each week. You can't just keep reporting that it's a young team and that the combinations are taking time. And at some point the team of lovable losers become just losers and the interest in "will this week be the first win?" fades as it be comes clear that the answer will always be "no".

But how did they get themselves into this hole, two entire seasons without a single victory (because let's be honest, it's a pretty difficult thing to achieve. The answer is, of course, money (Penny has a very good article on this in the DomPost today but there doesn't seem to be an online version). In an evil spiral one begets the other. Win and you get sponsors, don't and you lose them.

The Pulse are "the Pulse" and not "the [corporate name] Pulse" because they don't have a naming sponsor. They run on the smallest budget ($900,000), a board of volunteers and scrounge for players.

When Althea Byfield, the Pulses' tall Jamaican defender, didn't show for a few games rumours ran up and down the media bench that she wasn't being paid. Turns out it was a concussion, but it was interesting what the first thoughts were.

A losing streak is a hard thing to break: players don't want to play for a losing team; sponsors don't want to give money to a losing team; TV doesn't want to show a losing team (though the Pulse have actually had quite good coverage this year); and nobody wants to be the team that loses to the loser.

And of course it's not just netball. Last season the National Football League in America saw something it hasn't seen since 1976. A team went through the entire season without a single win.

In 1977 the Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the New Orleans Saints and their record went to 1-26. The win came in the 13th week of their second season. The team's woeful 0-14 first season has become the stuff of legend. Coach John McKay dealt with the woes with dark humour.

"Coach, how do you feel about your team's execution on the field?" "I'm for it".

The 2008-09 season saw a worse team emerge: The Detroit Lions. 0-16 is new single-season loss record; it is literally the new low. And for Detroit it doesn't get better.

The Pistons are no longer dominant in the NBA. The Tigers are back to their losing ways. And the Red Wings (The Steel City can always count on the Wings) lost the NHL title to the Penguins, even after a 2-0 lead in the series.

And don't forget Seattle. The Seahawks went to the Superbowl and then suffered injury and indignity. The Mariners finished last. And then the Sonics left for (of all places) Oklahoma City. Then to top it all off, this happened.

But the worst city is Cleveland. The Indians are a long way from being considered good. The Browns lost their franchise to Baltimore, got it back and proceeded to suck. And the poor Cavaliers don't seem to get a break (and it looks like LeBron will leave as soon as he can).

And once again were back at the endless cycle.

Teams that just can't win a game find it harder and harder to get the dollars to buy those good players. Beyond that players just don't want to be on a losing team. Look at this photo. That's Eli Manning, he's just been selected first overall in the NFL Draft by the San Diego Chargers, you can tell by his face that he's not happy about the whole thing. Luckily the Chargers traded him.

And so where does this lack of talent leave the fans? Do they constantly cheer to win enough games not to be relegated or sold? Do they turn up thinking that this game might be "the one"? Or do they, like the Pulse crowd last Sunday, cheer for the opposition? It gets very hard to applaud a score when you know the game is unwinnable. "Hooray, you really screwed up their points-differential!"

But for the Pulse at least Penny was optimistic. The new coach, Yvette McCausland-Durie, is enjoying the challenge; Centre Camilla Lees is a Silver Ferns possibility; Paula Griffin is a Silver Fern and looks like she might stay. But when I ask do they have a chance of pulling out a win this year, she shakes her head.

With a number of burning deadlines and a flu that has clearly taken courses in Bad Timing let me just give you the text of the email I received yesterday from my friend in Toulouse.

Oh Yes!!!

Merde

However, I still don't think Chris Rattue was right with his Comic Book Guy proclamation: Worst. All Blacks. Ever. And that referee just wasn't going to call offside or forwards passes for nothin'. Le sigh.

But hey, the Magic looked good.

I went into a sports store the other day and saw the new All Black jerseys. I got to talking with the salesman about the materials and the technical doohickies within the super-high-tech t-shirt. But this was just the (not so) cheap knock off of the real thing we were looking at.

So I sent off a plea and got my hands on an actual, honest-to-goodness, All Black playing jersey! (With all thanks to adidas)

First of all this is the white version of the jersey (obviously). As soon as I took it out of the courier bag I noticed that it didn't hang straight (unlike the replica). The reason is because the on-field jerseys are fitted while the replicas have to be cut to fit the (ahem) portly gentleman.

The replicas are fitted with mesh side panels to achieve this effect while the real version just has seams within cut-ins under the arms for better movement. You may have seen in the Super 14 jerseys that they had what I called a "fanny panel". This system also exists on the All Black jersey but it's a contour seam. The seam runs across the small of the back but doesn't reach the sides. (I've outlined it in red here)

The material of the jersey is quite cool. It stretches, but only in one direction, across the body. But really the whole thing gets very cool when you turn it inside out.

All the seams are covered so no stitches are visible. And where there might be a corner, like on the collar and cuffs there are dots. This jersey is streamlined inside and out.

Both the front and the back have embossing. The back has the X shape that is bright silver on the training gear (yes, the one that looks like a sports bra) while the front has an embossed silver fern.

The embossed stuff seems to be a different fabric but there are no seams and it is much stretchier, which means that X may really be a sports bra. It's also much more see-through (which I know some of you will like) and I assume that means more breathable, though I don't now how that will work when a number is plastered over it.

To be honest I'm not a fan of the embossing, I feel it's a cheap effect on a classic jersey. But on the other hand it's very subtle and hard to make out in most light.

And of course you know it's the All Blacks by the registered trademark.

The full set of photos is here, for those who want to see more details (including washing instructions). I am aware that I followed up my post about "being a man" with a post about clothes, but I think one validates the other.

And, yes, of course I tried it on. Who wouldn't?

I don't really think of myself as manly. I'm not sure if anyone else thinks of me as manly either. The facial hair helps a little, as does the deepish voice and bulging muscles. Ok, I was lying about the muscles.

But manliness, as it exists in our minds, can be seen as a character flaw (much like religion). Manly men are the reason Marc Ellis is still on TV, manly men are the reason we have Tui ads, manly men are the reason for annoying celebrity strippers.

So what could I expect from a list in Popular Mechanics called: The 25 Things Every Man Should Be Able To Do? Must be able to kill an animal without remorse and eat its heart? Must be able to name the entire 1985 All Black Squad including their home provinces? Must find racist jokes funny?

But after perusing the list I discovered that Popular Mechanics has a very interesting view of being a "man". In fact looking at the list (which I will show you soon) it would be quite easy for a woman to be a man (even easier than surgery).

"Man", as I read it in the list, is now a concept not a sex. Men were hunter/gatherer/semen-factories and then evolved into farmers/truck-owners and for some reason you needed a penis to be that (I blame religion again). The list though seems to define man (or manly) as protector/provider but removing any gender bias (like strength or speed or hair growth).

PopMech said they created the list because they felt that people couldn't fix things anymore. They saw a problem with our disposable society. We upgrade rather than fixing, we throw out rather than repair, we contract in rather than DIYing.

Sometimes this isn't our fault though. I recently had a new shower put in; the installer was explaining some part of what he was going to do when he paused: "Do you understand anything about this?"

"No", I replied honestly and somewhat apologetically. He must have caught my tone because he said, "That's not a problem, we've all got our specialist areas these days. I don't know much about computers" (I had told him that I was a blogger at some point).

With the idea that specialisation leads to eventual extinction then having a wide variety of skills can only be a good thing, right?

The PopMech list can be broken down into groups:
Automotive/mechanical

• Patch a radiator hose
• Back up a trailer
• Use a torque wrench
• Manoeuvre a car out of a skid
• Get a car unstuck
• Change oil and filter
• Bleed brakes

Electronics

• Protect your computer
• Retouch digital photos
• Back up data
• Hook up an HDTV
• Extend your wireless network

Outdoors

• Rescue a boater who has capsized
• Build a campfire
• Navigate with a map and compass
• Sharpen a knife
• Perform CPR
• Fillet a fish
• Clean a bolt-action rifle
• Paddle a canoe
• Fix a bike flat

House repairs

• Fix a dead outlet
• Frame a wall
• Paint a room
• Mix concrete

I should point out that I can already do lots of these, but some I haven't done in a long time (paddle a canoe).

As I said before, the authors of the list said that it was about self-reliance. But it's still confusing to me why an inner-city builder who can fix his own car and run his own website would be less manly because he can't clean a gun.

And can I customise the list? What if I take out "hook up an HDTV" and replace it with "can cook Huevos Rancheros"? Or replace "bleed brakes" with "make a good wine selection for a meal" or "able to tie a bowtie"? In fact, can the Popular Mechanics' version of a man (even the new provider/protector version) exist in urban settings where owning a car isn't an asset but knowing the best place for cheap Thai food is?

And so I propose an extra set of tasks that for want of a better phrase I will call: Urban Survival

This list was actually pretty hard to create. I polled Twitter on what they thought were essential urban survival skills and the Hive Mind came back resoundingly with: "need to know people". I'm not sure how that works as a skill but I tried to add it.

I also felt there needed to be a skill involving geo-spatial knowledge.
Here goes:

• Make a good wine selection for a meal
• Cook a meal
• Be no more than two-degrees of separation from anyone at a gathering
• Know the fastest distance between two points (in their home town)
• Ability to locate a good café/restaurant/bar within walking distance of any location.

These extra points may seem over the top but I feel they fit within the idea of man as a leader, able to give directions and take charge if needed. This creates the idea of man as a cultural guide which I find interesting but I also think that it doesn't necessarily fit within the protector/provider role.

In fact the more I look at these last points the more I don't like them. For example cooking is a great skill to have but it seems too creative. I don't know, maybe I'm being too picky. If you can help by suggesting some refinements to these final skills I would be most appreciative.

In any case, starting today I am going to go through the list of 25 things set down in Popular Mechanics, and I am going to master all of them. And over the next few weeks I'm going to tell you about them and maybe along the way we can figure out what exactly a man is in the 21st Century.

Did you all notice the incredibly interesting thing during the Barbarians predictable defeat to the Walabies? Wasn't it weird to watch? Something we haven't seen for… I'm not sure how long: collars.

The Barbarians were wearing jerseys made by Cotton Traders, not one of the uniform power houses and they looked like they were made ten years ago (or earlier). In many ways I found it a shock to see players in square, unshaped uniforms. I imagine the players themselves would've found the old style jerseys strange to wear in this age of sytheto-awesumfibres.

And did it seem strange to see the players wearing sponsorship on their chests from a sports-betting agency? Talk about a conflict of interest.

The Barbarians also have another quirk, if you play for them you need to bring your own socks.

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Meanwhile in France, Roger Federer removed the cheese-eating surrender-monkey from his back and won the French Open. Despite being harassed on court by some idiot with a flag, (note how slow the security is in reacting).

The win means Federer is equal to Pete Sampras in wins and many people say this makes him the greatest ever (discuss).

TVNZ need to be chastised in their reporting of the women's final (an upset victory to Svetlana Kuznetsova over world number one, Dinara Safina). They showed us one point being scored (not even a long rally) and the winner's speech.

You've got half an hour to report on sport, this is major world sport event, where actual sport was being played and much more interesting than a report that was basically: "nothing is happening in rowing" with footage of rowers training.