Field Theory by Hadyn Green

Damn kids and their short attention spans. "Fantastic game" was the cry about the All Blacks win over France on the weekend.

"Finally!" cried the pundits, "tries, and lots of them! And running ones too, none of that forward muck". And I don't deny that it was nice to see some great tries against a very good team… but… I don't know if this was a good team.

Yes the French had beaten South Africa but we've seen the French just give up on matches before, when they should've played better. And when they've got a good plan and the confidence they are unstoppable. Personally I knew they were going to lose when they attempted the drop-goal.

It showed the French had no plan and no confidence in their attack.

So it was a bubble gum game. A really fantastic game is one where the opposition shows up. One where there is real tension right up until the final whistle, not just us being happy to have scored some tries.

Yes, yes, I know "bah humbug" and all that. But having seen it I was underwhelmed by the descriptions of "stunning" and "fantastic". Though I will admit certain players had star turns.

It seems now that all we want is tries. The All Blacks weren't losing and so we had to complain that they weren't winning in the correct manner. If only the All Blacks could play games like they were highlight reels.

Is it possible that we don't actually like rugby? Probably not. I think we're just annoyed that the game plan we'd like our team to employ is also easily thwarted. And this weekend it wasn't.

Both teams played open expansive running rugby and one of them got thumped. This means that teams who play the winner (ie. the All Blacks) in the future will try to stop that happening again.

And it's not just rugby. Every sport, with has two competitors, is a battle to score points while stopping the opposition from doing the same. And unless the rules are changed don't expect us to score more tries. And if they do change the rules, expect us to complain about that too.

*****

By the way, both teams had excellent uniforms

It's Monday, so that means I would usually be talking American football and uniforms. But I've been really busy today so I'm only going to be able to give you a quick run down of the rugby… yes, I'm kidding.

I said on Friday that I didn't get to go to the game, but that Mike did. Well here's Mike's take on the game:

But my favourite might just be these two guys grappling with the flag.

Some interesting side notes about the game.

SKY has been incredibly smart about the YouTube footage of the game. A banner at the start of any infringing video says: "All footage remains the property of SKY Television New Zealand. This video is here to share the news of the All Whites victory over Bahrain." Unbelievably smart!

The All Whites have become an internet sensation. Especially after a number of Americans woke to find #allwhites as the number one trending topic on Twitter. This raised questions there and in the forums here about, what happens when we go to South Africa?

Well what happened when we went there this year? Nothing. So it'll probably be fine.

And of course there have been those calling this the beginning of the end for rugby in New Zealand. Yes, now that we have qualified for the World Cup for the second time we should stop playing the sport that we've been really rather good at for quite a long time now. This is like Brazil getting to the Rugby World Cup and a bunch of burly young gents declaring: "finally!"

So this is the nice come down. I've been told by many friends who were at the game (including one who did take his shirt off and wave it over his head), that the crowd had a great "vibe" and how after the goal everyone spirits lifted until the final three minutes, when Bahrain was cold and tired and we were fresh and wanting goals.

And now we start saving money to go to South Africa.

First of all, despite all of my planning and preparation I will not be at the All Whites game tomorrow. My accreditation was declined two days ago which was too late to purchase tickets (hindsight is a bitch).

However, Mike will be there taking photos from the sidelines so we're going to have some live coverage at least.

The promotion that everyone is talking about is of course the "All White on the night" which is much better wording than Dunedin's "We're all white down here" prior to a cricket test against the West Indies. The stores are doing there thing and Friday saw a large number of white t-shirts and jerseys being worn about the streets of the capital. Even Wynton Rufer was on TV last night ruining a new white shirt of his by writing a small "NZ" on the front in felt-tip pen. Yeah, go team!

And of course the Bahraini fans were out and about too. Easy spotted in red Puma uniforms. The Caketin might look a bit pink if the Bahraini fans spread out amongst the white.

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I had a few beers with Legbreak the other night and he told me about Iain O'Brien's issue with an article in the Hutt News. Here's O'Brien's twitter feed of the events (in chronological order):

has just had an article, featured in the Hutt News, read to him. Two very big misquotes. I'm onto the author about this & am very displeased

There is no way I'd hang up on somebody. No matter how pissed I was. And the next quote isn't close either... Feeling bad about it too!

Article found, 'print screened' (probably not legal) and here it is.... Did not hang up on Greatbatch......

......and the quote at the bottom of column one that continues into column two isn't not as I said it.

My guess is that O'Brien did say all of those things to the reporter basically because it seems like an odd thing to make up considering it's unlikely that you'll get another interview. The spelling mistakes and clumsy flow of the sentences suggest the quotes were recalled rather than transcribed ("If I have to miss out and were are a stronger New Zealand team that is fine – but that is not the case")

But really, O'Brien, if you said it (and unless I see a libel case I will believe that you did) then stand up for it! There was a time when fast bowlers were the swaggering gods of cricket. Gold chains bouncing of hairy chests, visible due to shirts that were open slightly too much. Loud and outspoken the fast bowler was the "bad boy" of cricket drinking daiquiris with the ladies rather than swilling beer with the boys.

Now he's someone who didn't hang up on Greatbatch. Or if you re-read that last tweet, "isn't not" as he said it.

AnimFX NZ was a conference of visual effects, animation, games, and blowing your fucking mind! That's because in between the inspirational speakers, and the ones talking marketing (who were equal parts "real world" and "scary Mad Men shit") there were moments like this (YouTube clip removed until I figure out what's breaking Safari)

And as your brain was processing that, Paul Debevec would hit you with a metaphorical baseball bat called "One to Many 3d Video Teleconferencing". That thing you're seeing? Yeah, that's the goddamn future!

There were whole parts of the conference that were like DVD commentaries, where special effects artists tell you that what you just saw wasn't what you thought it was. They fooled you by bombarding you with pixels and what looked like a set dressed up as a spaceship was in fact a vacant lot with a black-cloth doorway standing in it.

You can forget suspension of disbelief. We're at a point now that you won't even know what to disbelieve anymore. Sure the giant monkey and the insectoid aliens are fake; but so are all the leaves blowing around and that mound of dirt and that plastic bag.

The most concrete things we were shown were sales figures. Digital downloads have an infinitely long tail, who knew? I'll have more on this at a later date.

Richard Taylor and Jeff Okun were perfect for the morning. Taylor waxing lyrical about Weta Workshop and Wellington ("This shaft of earth caught between sea and sky") and drawing real belly-laughs from his anecdotes. Okun filling everyone's heads with dreams about the future and how realtime digital feedback loops could mean that no two film screenings would be of the same film.

There were some parts that made me angry. They were mainly about marketing. If you are a child of the 70s/80s and you think it's cool to buy your kids the toys you used to have (Transformers, Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake) you are a "Heritage Parent" and they are targeting you. Here's the new Strawberry Shortcake.

See the new non-bespectacled skinny girls doing yoga and (probably) drinking lattes while an Avril Lavigne-style theme song plays. Yeah, that thing being violated is your childhood.

But John Stevenson's finale was amazing: Ray Harryhausen's Cyclops and Jim Henson's Kermit the Frog helped him to create Kung Fu Panda and the journey in between. To remember that the magic isn't all visual effects, it's also story and the love of the telling it.

It was a weekend for close wins and big hits. Down south it was a first half of swift offence and a second half of smothering defence. It the north it was high kicks and missed chances. And in the capital it was a huge comeback and solid hitting.

I got my first text about the Air New Zealand Cup final, it said: "Cant 7 Well 0. Try in 2nd min!" The next one said: "Did you want anymore updates? It's not good". So when I caught the replay the next day I was surprised how close the game was.

Canterbury played its slow game in the last 20mins or so and smothered the Wellington attack enough that they just ran out of time. I suppose you could call it negative rugby, but really they're out there to win, not to be the Harlem Globetrotters.

So congratulations to Canterbury, and here's hoping that you don't win again for a while because it's frankly, dull.

Then early Sunday morning on the other side of the world, someone thought it would a good idea to let a monkey handle the television coverage of Wales playing the All Blacks. Seriously what the fuck was going on with the sideline cameras, the tight shots, the replays shown while the game was on, the constant replaying of All Black infringements, and the out of focus shots? I don't think I have ever yelled "focus!" at the television before.

I should've guessed I was in for a treat when, in the middle of a montage of crowd shots during the Welsh anthem, there was a brief shot of what seemed to be the inside of a storeroom.

As for the game, it was alright I suppose. We won; we got in a lot of kicking practice (despite our brief runs being fairly successful); and Dan Carter got to be a "bad boy" for a day. Is he our Christiano Ronaldo now?

And didn't the All Blacks look disappointed when the Welsh didn't stand off against them like last time.

But really all the action this weekend was in Wellington (and I don't mean the Phoenix's last minute draw – still undefeated at home!). It was the final of the Richter City Roller Derby season.

The Big One lived up to all the hype in front of a crowd of just over 1,070. After the match we were fairly sure there were never the full 10 skaters on the track for more than a minute before someone was sent to the penalty box. Silken Dagger was the first one to go and in the first jam, too.

After that the first half was dominated by Brutal Pageant penalties the second half by Smash Malice penalties. Chaos reigned as nearly the entire team was sent off at one stage (four players out of five sent to the box at the same time). It was a massacre!

Smash Malice vice-captain M.E.O.W. was a good example. Out of the penalty box, she stormed through the pack and was sent straight back. If you think footballers yell at the referees, you should see derby girls argue. They like to make their feelings known (yes that is three members of Malice in the box at the same time).

At the half Pageant trailed by 20 points. I don't know what captain Lux Vengeance and coach Rita Anguish yelled at them, but in the second half they came out blazing and Malice had no answer.

The crowd roared when Pageant took the lead 101-100 with five minutes to go.

But this is where tactics played their part. Malice took two timeouts in a row, which deflated the momentum of Pageant. They regained the lead and held it to the end where there was some controversy. The clock showed time was up but there should've been enough for one last jam, Pageant who were out and ready to skate wanted to race but the refs called it.

Smash Malice are the Wellington champions for 2009.

Stand outs for me were: Tuff Bikkies against Silken Dagger as jammers – that was a heck of a battle; the rookie Lucy Jawgone (though I don't get the name, is it like Hugh Jorgon?); Perky Nah Nah – who has become a force on defence; and Goldie Scorn – a surprise re-entry (and not without some controversy).

I think it's fair so say this is a high-scoring speed league, so it will be interesting when they meet the Auckland team for the first intercity match on December 5th (at TSB Arena in Wellington). You'll want to be there.

Photos once again by the brilliant Mike Roseingrave and Jed Soane