Yellow Peril by Tze Ming Mok

[In a cheesy cross-over gimmick designed to bolster our mutual readerships, I will be guest blogging on Yellow Peril this week. At this rate, it won't be long before we end up with a "Best of" blog. - Keith Ng]

Oh Winston, now that you've left us for the Muslims, what's a Chinese cus' got to do to get himself on the political radar?

Allegedly offer "to use his Government connections to have a friend appointed as a justice of the peace" in return for a $50,000 loan, that's what.

That's what Labour's Chinese list candidate Steven Ching allegedly did, alleged Herald on Sunday earlier this year. The allegation was just retracted yesterday, after the man who was allegedly on the receiving end of the alleged offer came out and denied the link between the loan and the help with the application. Cruising slowly up shit-creek, the HoS ran the retraction and apology - presumably with the business-end of a lawyer pointed their way.

The Labour Party has said that they would only put Ching back on the list once he's cleared by a police investigation (which, conveniently, may or may not be completed before the election). But with no money ever changing hands and with the prime witness on Ching's side, it looks like it'll be difficult to pin anything on Ching.

Did he do it? Will he be cleared? I don't know, but either way, I - and I don't say this lightly - am personally insulted by the Labour Party's choice to have Ching on their list in the first place.

It's akin to putting the pre-reformed Jake the Muss on their list to represent urban Maori. With his dodgy business dealings, fisheries abuse, dubious grasp of English, perception as a walking wallet - are there any aspects of negative stereotyping of Chinese New Zealanders that Steven Ching *doesn't* represent?

He might as well be Mickey Rooney dressed up as Dr No with a Manchurian goatee smoking an opium pipe and eating a dog while hooning around with a fake licence and a bunch of Triad thugs in a souped-up Honda pumping out Canto-techno.

Some in the Labour hierarchy see themselves as the victim here - that they were trusting of Ching, and he betrayed their trust by not telling them about his dodgy dealings. Well, that's true, I don't hold Labour responsible for selecting someone with a dodgy past because they didn't know about it - but I do hold them responsible for selecting someone who doesn't really speak English, doesn't understand New Zealand politics, doesn't seem to care about either, and who was clearly never going to make any genuine contribution beyond raking in donations.

They can't plea ignorance on that one. You just have to meet the guy. He literally didn't know the meaning of the word "tokenism" - the word which best describes what his political career is built on. And as for his understanding of New Zealand politics... put it this way - if he was an international student in one of my first-year tutorials at Vic, I would have given him a C+ only out of sympathy.

I've met my fair share of skinheads from the National Front, but this gets me worked up much more than they do. The difference is that with the skinheads and Winston, it's all just a bunch of blowhard slogans and hollow rhetoric. They'd just as soon beat-up/scapegoat the next vulnerable group that comes their way - and they have. They're good like that, being so indiscriminating with their discrimination.

But Labour, by selecting someone who was obviously never going to be able to contribute anything as a representative, they have demonstrated a genuine commitment to the idea that Chinese New Zealanders are nothing more than passive participants who should have a token role in the democratic process because, really, they're just a bunch of rich, greedy foreigners who don't even speak English anyway.

Yeah - I take that personally.

On the other hand, I actually have a lot of respect for Pansy Wong (even though she didn't like my Listener article). She's capable and committed, and if nothing else, she's demonstrated the possibilities for becoming more than just the Token Asian.

That said, a vote for National is a vote for a National-NZ First government. Granted, Winston does a lot less yelling at people when he's in government (in fact, he arguably does less damage in government than in opposition), but do you really want to deliver Winston into power?

It'll be interesting, too, to see what Pansy would do in such a government. Can she work in a coalition with Winston? Or will she become the next Georgina Te HeuWho?

With all these MMP calculations, it's hard to find a safe place to park your protest vote. It's a sad, sad conclusion, and one that I never expected to make, but, er... this is kind of embarrassing... perhaps if you want to protest against Labour and National-NZ First, the best thing to do is to vote ACT. Chances are, it won't even count.

We can only hope.

(Ha ha, Tze Ming, I made your blog endorse ACT!)

*******
Tze Ming time resumes:

Don't worry Keith, I know you're actually voting for Peter Dunne. It's of more concern to me that you've said that Pansy has demonstrated the possibilities of becoming more than just the Token Asian.

Nothing is in its right place today.

As I predicted, ethnic media monitors are picking up riceroots anger at the National Party immigration policy. Don't ask me about Stephen Ching, but just because people don't speak English, doesn't mean they're morons. The question I have for Pansy now is not 'Will you walk if National has to form a coalition with New Zealand First?' It's 'Why haven't you walked already over your party adopting New Zealand First policies?' If she wants to save her community reputation, the only possible answer is 'because I don't expect we'll win this election, so those policies will never be implemented.'

And it looks like everyone wants their own Chinese election-blogger now. Here's Movement subcommandante Alistair Kwun (aka Mr Asia) in the Herald Election blog lineup. Hmm, interesting format - ten blog-spots, a range of opinions, an assuredly non-token Asian... Familiar much? The Asian election-blogging crossover potential is spiralling out of control. By Asian, I mean Chinese. I worry that the media is just not getting that, in all this beatup about the burgeoning Asian population stats and potential voting bloc (as ennumerated in Keith's article), that around half of these Statistics NZ Asians are actually Indian.

Final role-swapping headfuck for your Monday morning: In this strangely vacant online Herald soft-profile, we discover that Winston Peters wants to one day work in a Chinese restaurant.

I confess, I find it comical when people in New Zealand express anger at the state taking away people's freedom... by giving them money. My frame of reference is being angry at the state taking away people's freedom by rolling tanks over them.

Hey, in Singapore, people must be free as free can be: there is hardly any tax, and *no* social welfare benefit. It exports only the finest mating-material for New Zealand's right-wing leaders. And look, just last week, four people stood on a sidewalk (one less than the number for which a permit is required for a public gathering) and held up transparent signs (which therefore did not cause any public inconvenience, because people could see through them and therefore take in an unobstructed view of corporate advertising legitimately taking up public space), and very very quietly (perhaps even silently) expressed a political opinion. Four vans of riot police turned up, forty cops poured out, ten for each demonstrator. Presumably to hand out money to them, in order to subject them to the repressive state apparatus and scour away their individualistic thinking. First hand report and pictures here at the Singapore Democratic Party site, and here by the frontrunner for best Singaporean male Freedom-slag Rockson Tan.

I ask him, "Uncle, why four people ah? They cannot find enough people to protest issit?" He said no, five people then consider no licence and against the law. Less than five only considered disturb people, is call public nonsense. I am thinking, the gahmen like this sure toolan, wait they change the law to make it less than five people is also against the law. Maybe they might say, more than two people is also need licence now. Like that die lah. You want to go Geylang to do three-way also consider illegal protest liao. You want to go pak tor, go dating also need two people but new law say cannot. So you can only go alone and pak chiu cheng.

There are many pointy-headed things I can and have said about freedom and coercion in the relationship of the individual to the state. There are also times when I am moved to say, as I said to Damian to his utter bemusement, "state shmate." People getting extra money to raise families is one of those times.

My breeding instinct has yet to kick in. I'm terrified of babies. I don't hate them, like some people seem to - I just find them weird and squishy, and they seem easily breakable. I'd get zilch out of Working for Families, now and for the forseeable future. But this chorus of single-professional-childless-mid-to-high-income whining has got to let up. Why do you think we don't have children? Why do you think we need to keep importing young people from other countries? Because having children is really really hard work. I look at the sacrifices my parents made for me, and that their parents made for them, and the very idea scares the shit out of me. All too often if you have kids (particularly if you are a woman), you have to give up your sense of self, your individuality, your dreams of becoming the first ManBooker Prize-winning International Criminal Court Chief Justice, your looks, your toys, your wardrobe, your sanity and your sex-life. You probably don't even have the time to watch childless Public Address bloggers who are quite nice to each other in real life, play-sniping at each other on their blogs about the ideology of welfare. Oh no! If you're a female Public Address blogger with a job and children, woe betide your posting-frequency and attending hit-rate - do the audit, go on. Double-woe! Having children, most of the time, is an immense restriction on your choices about where and how you live - in other words, a restriction on all your personal freedoms.

And yet... someone's gotta have children. Otherwise... we're done for. They really should pay people to do it.

Oh crap, but if you pay people to do it, you're taking away their freedom.

I don't see any meaningful distinction, in the case of Working for Families, between being a slave to welfare and a slave to love.

****

Check out TV3's Nightline tonight, 10:45 pm to see what some 'young ethnic voters' (i.e. not me) are thinking about the election - including my friend Tessie Chen.

Due to Asian-Brain collapse and competing priorities, Yellow Peril will be lightweight next week. Unless Pansy starts returning my emails. Expect pictures from the InvAsian show of a very cool Asian-invaded alternative-reality Auckland, and snaps & talk from last night's Rising Sun Sneaker-Swap-Meet. Hot. Asian. Guys.

Pat Booth, the journalist who wrote and vigorously defended the original 'Asian Invasion' article of 1993, is to receive a Lifetime Achievement award for journalism this month. There are those among us who are baying for blood, but it might surprise you to know that I'm not so angry - honest!

I sent this email, dated 9 August:

Open letter to the Asian Invasion cc: Pat Booth

Dear Embedded Asian Underground, Wider Movement and Associate Movement members.
Oh... didn't you know you were in the Movement? Sorry, I'm sure I mentioned it at the last rally/yum cha/pearl tea/film festival/art show/civil service event/media shindig/cultural identity conference. Oh well. You know, there sure are a hell of a lot of you in my Bcc: address box there.
Well, you sure wouldn't be in the Movement if it wasn't for this guy: Many of you would have heard by now through the Aotearoa Ethnic Network, or through the Embedded Asian Underground, or both, that the old white dude responsible for bringing us all under one warlike banner to start with is being justly honoured with a Lifetime Achievement Award for his services to Journalism. Yes, everyone's favourite curmudgeonly uncle, Pat Booth of 'Off Pat' fame, is getting a gong for his long and richly textured career, whose highlight was the famous Asian 'Inv-Asian' Howick and Pakuranga Times article of 1993! If it wasn't for Pat, we wouldn't know who the hell we were (Invaders! Hell yeah!), and many of you would never have met or worked together. To take the sucker down.
To refresh your memory, please click on this link to go to my convenient flickr set of images, 'Asian Invasion: Birth of a Movement' - The long struggle to establish our rightful place as victorious Invaders of this weak and vulnerable land - a ongoing history in print and art, with descriptions of each scan.
They are scans of the original article and [articles covering] the community fightback, courtesy of Manying Ip, and one extra special one that I'm loving (loving like we love the Alien InvAsian), that shows where we've got to now, courtesy of Leon Tan. Ignore those Ghost in the Shell screenshots at the end.

I suppose I will be blogging about this, but not just yet. Maybe I'll end up just using the text of this email [heh heh]. 1993 seems so long ago, and we've come so far, that I can't quite be angry about it anymore. As you can see from my commentary on the images, and from my blog, I love being an Invader. The Invasian art show that Leon and others are putting on, speaks for a generation that I'm a part of. ['Invasian' kicks off tomorrow 16 August at Galatos, 7pm, also showing 17th and 19th]
And Pat Booth - well, he was a good journalist on the whole, and what I'm really curious about, is what he thinks now. I really am very curious. Booth always seemed to me to be the quintessential representative of all that is good and bad about the 'Old' New Zealand. For every time he made me chortle or splutter while complaining about young people, or foreigners, or women, or those bloody Maoris chopping down that stupid tree on that stupid hill, he [made] me grateful for his well-places swipes at the New Right. Okay, maybe one out of four times. And... he's really really old. How much longer can he hang on? Would it be ungracious, in our ascendance, to not allow him an honourable exit?
Then again, should we be 'smoothing the pillow of his dying race'? (I don't mean actual 'race' by the way - it's just a figurative historical reference) Or should we be looking for signs of change and accomodation? Is there new sap in the old wood yet?
What do you think?

Tze Ming Mok

I have larger file-scans of the newspaper articles if anyone is interested in reading them. Pat never wrote back.

What was remarkable about this old scab being ripped off afresh, was the instantaneity of response, information transfer, phone-calls, media strategising, networking, solidarity, and tapping in to collective memory. There's a very silly question in the back of the Metro this month: 'Is Tze Ming Mok the new Manying Ip?' Manying was delighted. She thought that it would get her off the hook, and that she could take a holiday. It's a silly question, because the answer is: 'No - we are all the new Manying Ip.' Even Keith. He will be commenting further on his Asian Vote Listener article next week, and I am delighted, as this gets me off the hook and I can take a holiday.

*****

The last time I saw David Lange was in Viet Hoa cafe in Otahuhu, in the later part of the 90s. It wasn't the first time my family had seen him in the Otahu-Vietnam axis of Sam Woo, Viet Hoa and Vietnam Cafe, nor Phil Goff. I shall not repeat what my mother said about the big guy in Mandarin, but suffice to say, it's what Chinese doctors in Asian restaurants tend to always slip into Chinese to say, when worrying about the health of large Westerners they see. At the time, we thought he should have known better than to inflict that on himself, being the son of a doctor. And at the time, we thought he should have known better than to inflict the economic hurt that he did on South Auckland, being from South Auckland. But today what really sticks out is this: I've never seen a National Party prime minister while out eating with my family in South Auckland. Or at least, not one that I've ever wanted to remember.

[Update: Okay. So I punched Keith. But I gave him prior warning, grabbing on to his raggedy brown hoodie in a spasm of rage (we were the only two people in the green room wearing hoodies), hissing "I really need to hit something. I'm really sorry. I just... I ....."

WHAM!

What's a Leader's Debate without violence? Keith was very understanding; he believes in violence as the basis of political discourse.

It was the "Third World" trigger. The whole 'we aren't importing quality people, we're importing people from the Third World' line. Dude? My parents were from the Third World. After the pounding - both in my head and immediate physical environs - subsided, I was however gratified that none of the undecided voters with their fingers on the worm gave a shit either way about immigrants or where they come from.]

I sent around my last post to The Movement, apologising again for my 'political Tourettes', and with this comment:

Over now to the Asian and migrant community leaders. You fought so hard against the Citizenship and Identity Bill - and now this? From the 'Asian-loving' party? What now? What will Pansy have to say about four-year probational residency for all migrants?

Two responses from the Embedded Asian Underground:

a blatant pitch for New Zealand First votes.

Would Pansy's role, in the 'Asian' context, unfold and unravel like Georgina's, in the Maori context? Maybe another National MP will take on the 'Asian' spokesperson role ... Gerry again perhaps?

And is he an 'Australian Chinese New Zealander'? 'Chinese New Zealander Australian'? 'New Chinese Australian Zealander'? Anyway, from a member of the Double-Diaspora, who left before our 'first Asian MP' took to the House.

oh dear. I'd forgotten about National and NZ First. how charmingly parochial. is pansy some drag queen? perhaps... a beautiful turncoat deadly nazi double agent drag queen.

And from the Rice-roots, an actual 'community leader':

Someone had to say it and it may as well be you!

Come on people: Step up to get yo' rep up. I'm not the only one.

"Four year probation period of Provisional Residency..." hhaarrrrhhcrrhHHH... "benefit stand-down extended to four years..." CrghCCHHrggHAAAAKKHH.... "wife born in Singapore..." KKKHHKSSpPPLLUAATTT!!!! Hm - what was that unexpected spitting noise? Oh, just Don Brash losing the Asian vote.

I've not seen a more conflicted, confused, and personally insulting piece of intellectual dishonesty in this election campaign (except for New Zealand First of course, but you expect that - in fact, every sentence in this post should be shadowed by that assumption) than Brash's speech on National's immigration policy. Probably because I haven't been paying attention (except for New Zealand First of course but... etc). Thanks to Idiot/Savant for the nudge, and for pointing out that Brash's speech openly admits that National's immigration policy is based on fear and resentment. Here's the dishonesty in a nutshell: the speech talks around those popular fears and resentments, bending itself into this awkward yet quite explicit position: 'The facts don't support the level of fear and resentment that exists, but we will respect the power of those prejudices, and make policy centred on the prejudice, not on the facts.'

Here's a great bit where they try to position themselves as 'moderates':

New Zealand First too often appeals to crude prejudice.

'...but we appeal to crude prejudice at just the right frequency. You know... sometimes. Like... now!'

You know - I really think he's arsed it up with the Asians now. He thinks he has us in the bag, but for chrissakes, he must have only been talking to a few of us. The really rich, white ones.

Look at the all the Asians he doesn't like:

1. The ones who spit

We do not want those who insist on their right to spit in the street..

Yeah, that big 'Right to Spit' rally the other week was a doozy. Mainlander? Spitty. Singaporeans though, you're okay. You've had spitting beaten out of you by the Singaporean Government.

2. The ones who don't do well in school

We recognise that immigrants ...can often become productive and self-supporting members of the community... The educational achievements of Asian students in our high schools prove the point.

But the artists and the skaters and the plain old lazy-bums who don't give the white kids math-inferiority complexes? Bugger off. Oh, hey look at the next sentence. "Even refugees... can often become productive members of the community." Wow! Amazing! But if they're an illiterate Somali mother of eleven with post-traumatic stress disorder and chronic machete-injuries... come back when you and your two surviving children can ace those Cambridges! Oh hang on, that's a violation of the principles of the Refugee Convention - Whoops! Quite a pain that international norms of Refugee Protection are centred on protecting the most vulnerable people in the world, rather than skimming off the most productive and skilled members of nations collapsing into war.

3. Malaysians.
What makes Don Brash think that Singaporeans are popular anyway? Note to National Party: there are way more Malaysians in New Zealand than Singaporeans... and Malaysia threw Singapore out of Malaysia.

4. The ones who can't find a job within the first two years ...because of the ingrained xenophobia proven time and time and time again to shut skilled non-white migrants out of the job market for not just months, but years.

We will extend the benefit stand-down period from two years to four years... A four-year benefit stand-down period sends a clear message to those people with inadequate family sponsorship and insufficient skills.

You know what? Skilled-migrant category immigrants on the dole are not on the dole because they don't have sufficient skills.

5. The ones with high-grade qualifications who are seriously underemployed ...who have been driving taxis and working in factories for years, slowly losing their self respect and their faith in the New Zealand people - and who then move to Australia and are immediately employed in their field of expertise. Which is generally not taxi-driving, nor can-stacking.

We will introduce a four-year qualification period of Provisional Residence for all new migrants.

You want to put these people on PROBATION?? Don't you freakin' realise that it's NEW ZEALAND that's on probation here? They already know that New Zealanders don't trust them in the workplace. To be told that New Zealand doesn't trust them to even be residents is just the final insult. It's remarkable that throughout this 'moderate', Asian-wife-loving speech, I can find no mention whatsoever of support for regional employment-focused migrant resettlement strategies, or working to reduce employer-discrimination and promote culturally diverse workplaces to take advantage of the massive underused migrant skill-base. NONE.

6. Even the ones who are stinking rich, but who can't establish a profitable employing business straight away and need to go back to Taiwan for a bit ...because these things just aren't that freaking easy, even when you take the ingrained xenophobia proven time and time again etc. out of the equation.

We will require business migrants to create at least two permanent full-time jobs for non-family members.

7. ME. I said this was personal, didn't I.

we want immigrants who will be Chinese New Zealanders, or Pacific Island New Zealanders - not New Zealand Chinese or New Zealand Pacific Islanders.

Apologies in advance to polite Public Address readers.

Really. I'm really sorry.

And uh ...sorry in advance to Le Jan (I think that's her name), who knows my Singaporean 'aunties', and my ma almost went with her to the Ellerslie Flower Show one year but then didn't, and I'm sure she's a very nice person.

And sorry to those who can read Chinese.

No, really, sorry...

But...

FUCK YOU Don Brash. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL ME WHO I AM ALLOWED TO BE???? FUCK YOU AND THE SINGAPOREAN CHINESE NEW ZEALANDER YOU FUCKING RODE IN ON!!!!

AAAARRRRRGHHHHH! 操你妈的臭屁股!!! 操你爷爷的骚屁眼!!!! 操你八辈子祖宗!!!!

Ahem. Oh, and you have a pretty green hat.

I am not a 'Chinese New Zealander'. I don't have any problem with people who do identify as such. How you feel is how you feel. The phrase 'Kiwi Asian' kind of makes me cringe, but those KAC Cats have a right to be who they are, and to be happy with it. It's just not who I am. I'm New Zealand Chinese, Chinese is the noun, New Zealand is the adjective, and I see myself as a member of that particular branch of the diaspora that exists only through having been made in New Zealand. And if you're in the business of telling people who they shouldn't be, what they shouldn't feel about their ethnic identity, and what they're not allowed to call themselves, well fuck you. Hell yeah I'll spit all over your street, see if I don't, I'll spit you out before you can spit me out.

Sorry if this makes me seem unexpectedly and foully partisan. Maybe all the other parties' immigration policies are just as bad - who knows? Though you can see why I barely have the stomach to look now, right?