For those who cannot access MP3 (various reasons), could Craig put his 180 seconds script on-line (I presume he is not just speaking off the top of his head)? From his previous work, Ithink it would be worth reading - thanks muchly

@Leopold: You wish is my command, gentle not-listener! (Though I have to add the standard disclaimer that this is the raw script not a transcript. The end product may be edited for time, or subject to extempore re-writing of lame jokes and clunky phrasing.)

Chicago Tribune television critic (and tele-blogger) Maureen Ryan drew an interesting distinction between shows that are Not That Good and just Not For Her. I’m very much in the latter camp where emo vampires are concerned.

Last week, our producer Thom Watts attended a Twilight Saga marathon so you don’t have to — but probably will.

I tested my own theory that if one glum teen vamp mooning over a really annoying teenage girl wasn’t doing the business, then perhaps two glum blood-suckers and a whole town of nubile twits would do the business.

After three episodes of The Vampire Diaries, all I came away with was an irrational loathing of all heterosexual Americans under the age of seventy five.

True Blood? Well, adopted Kiwi Anna Paquin still has great tits drawing your attention from her truly dreadful accent. And it’s hard to complain about the gratuitous objectification of pretty men who have great difficulty keeping their clothes on.

But actual chills or a plot that makes any sense whatsoever? Forget about it.

Or poke my soulful eyes out with a sharp stick before I start whinging about my emotions, and the unspeakable burden of centuries of unrequited love for vacuous bimbos who have black holes for personalities. Whatever comes first.

Pardon me for being old school here, if our dreams — and nightmares — tell us who we really are, I think it’s time to stick a silver fork in Vampire Bill and dig a little deeper into actor Stephen Moyer’s resume.

Back in 1998, Moyer appeared in a little British gem called Ultraviolet which is worth tracking down on DVD as an antidote to Twi-shite Fatigue. In this mini-series the Code V’s won’t rip your throat out or symbolically rape you by sucking your… blood. But they don’t want to share their feelings either.

In Joe Aherne’s tense, wonderful mash-up of a conspiracy thriller and police procedural he de-camps the vampire myth, and move past the tired sexual metaphors to a more contemporary nightmare.

These vampires — and cleverly the V word is never spoken in Ultraviolet’s five hours — aren’t here to feed your sexual neurosis. They’re cold, enigmatic technocrats ruthlessly trying to secure their own survival in a world where the human has the ability to destroy itself. And all other life on the planet.

They don’t do this by Byronic brooding, but by acting like a demented corporation. They have a long term plan. Recruit carefully. And if you’ve ever thought investment bankers and big pharma are a pack of blood-sucking monsters, you might just be onto something…

It’s not sexy, but Joe Aherne has touched a much deeper nerve than any number of quasi-necrophiliac sex fantasies.

Vintage Ranapia- 'cept that I've now got to track down Ulta violet
Thanks !