Posts by Isabel Hitchings
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When you say that women can prevent or invite rape by how they behave or what they wear or where they go, what you are really saying is that rape is a legitimate punishment for stepping off the proscribed path. The threat of rape is (almost) as much a tool of control as the act itself.
We can do a lot to teach people about consent. We can teach preschoolers to ask before starting physical play, to watch the other kids' faces to make sure they feel ok. We can empower young people to talk about their desires and limits before their clothes come off. Most importantly, we can create a culture in which women are not prizes to be won and in which no one owes anyone sex no matter how fancy the date, or how many other people they've slept with, or what they did last night.
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Speaker: You ain't from round here, in reply to Hebe,
Land levels have changed, as have waterways (Dudley Creek in particular) . It's a big, complex system that's been disrupted at many points.
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Papanui-Shirley ward in Christchurch - 2/7 council and 2/16 community board candidates are from out of area. Not bad. Pity they're such an uninspiring bunch.
We need good local representation so badly here. The extent of earthquake damage to our area has only become apparent to residents since the June floods. People around here are losing insurance cover, houses are probably unsaleable and any remediation is likely to involve the sort of major works that will take years. Being red-zoned is starting to look like a good idea. We need a council who will listen, act in the interests of the people and who can actually work with CERA and EQC.
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When I was at high school I had a group of friend which included some considerably older people. The oldest man, who I believe was a decade or so my senior, had some sexual involvement with several female members of the group. When one of our number accused him of rape everyone was profoundly uncomfortable and tried very hard to deny the possibility. I think we were invested in the illusion of our own safety and admitting to that in our midst meant facing up to the risk we were all at.
I did not parse his attentions as rapey at the time but, in hindsight, I shudder over how he treated me and how very much worse it could have been.
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Capture: Spring Breaks, in reply to Lilith __,
Thank you. Those buds are so appealing it was hard to tear myself away.
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Possibly the same buds and blooms as Lilith’s. And some daffs as well.
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Like pretty much all of Christchurch I spent a bit of last weekend’s sun in the botanic gardens. I was particularly enamored of the magnolias – I love the over-the-top flowers against the bare branches and..oh..the fuzzy buds!
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Southerly: Continuing After A Short Interruption, in reply to David Haywood,
Ouchy! I find supportive shoes and inserts make a difference very quickly. Stretches and lunges that elongate the muscles and tendons in the calves are a big help too. Long-term, not carrying 14kg of toddler on my back made the biggest difference of all.
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Up Front: The Missing Stair and the…, in reply to Lilith __,
I’ve known Missing Stairs who aren’t bigots at all, just people with very low social IQ who blunder about annoying people, for instance by being unbearably patronising. They may be basically nice people, but they’re the ones you invite out of a sense of duty rather than pleasure.
Some of the missing stairs I've know have been genuine not-very-nice-people but others have been generally decent people who have things going on which interfere with social interactions. I have known missing stairs with poor social IQ, pain causing conditions that make them short tempered, or difficulty hearing. What makes these people missing stairs is that, instead of finding coping strategies for themselves, they out-source the problem so the people around them have to make all the accommodations.
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It's quite remarkable how, as soon as I hear it put that way, I can name the missing stairs in pretty much every group I have ever been a part of. The friend whose partner quietly apologises on their behalf, the person for whom you change the meeting rules so their pet subject doesn't make it onto the agenda, the committee member to whom you give a consuming task to keep them busy while the rest of you get on....
There have been a couple of people who were utterly toxic in my own life where getting away from them took sacrificing some of the social circles to which I introduced them, so I never got the chance to find out if the problem extended to other people or just me. Certainly I treated those people as missing stairs, worked around them, made excuses for them and devoted a lot of energy to 'managing' our interactions.
