Posts by Lilith __
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,
Obviously we need a larger sample group
Sounds like a plan! ;-)
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,
I’ve always wondered if the Love Capsule was less bothersome to circumcised men than to un-. Without getting unduly personal, I’d love to know if that’s the case!
From what I’ve seen it’s more that it presents a different set of difficulties.
Blokes I've known who'd rather not bother than wear one...have been the ones with foreskins. Is it only coincidence? [not a rhetorical question, I'd really like to know!]
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to Emma Hart,
I dunno where my head was at.
<cough>
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I've always admired a friend of mine who married when she was 16 (I think the husband might have been 17) and continued to make her relationship work for about 25 years, through growing up themselves and child-rearing and losing a child and serious illness and recovery and finally divorce; they decided to stop being married but continued to cohabit with their 2 adolescent sons and also with their new partners. The boys had both their parents at home, and also other adults who cared, it seemed like a win all round. And quite an achievement for everybody concerned.
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to BenWilson,
Counselors can’t help people who don’t actually want to be helped.
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
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One, but it has to want to change. ;-) -
Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to Emma Hart,
“Love is not love that changes with the flight of time” (I might have that slightly wrong, it’s from memory.) What utter bollocks. People change with time. So does love, that’s one of the great things about it. It has to be able to flex, or it’d break.
Yeah, everything changes, all the time. But there’s also a lot more to a relationship than love. You can love each other like crazy and still not be able to make it work. The relationship counsellor my partner and I went to when we were breaking up was really really good. We still broke up, but we broke up with an understanding of what had gone wrong, and an appreciation that intentions had been good on both sides.
And Ben, yeah, I think counsellors are a mixed bunch of people, the bad or unsuitable ones can do more harm than good.
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to BenWilson,
I’ve written hundreds of words that I’ve just now deleted, because it could be too personal for you.
You could always send me an email, Ben.
And yes of course nobody can predict what might happen in the future...but if one of you is expecting things to change, that expectation needs to be out in the open, and be talked about.
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Up Front: How About Now?, in reply to BenWilson,
I envy people who can enjoy using one. Sort of.
I've always wondered if the Love Capsule was less bothersome to circumcised men than to un-. Without getting unduly personal, I'd love to know if that's the case!
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Regarding vows, I think there's a lot of value in working out what exactly you are both expecting from the relationship and under what circumstances you'd want to leave it. You don't need to get married to have that conversation.
I lived with a partner for some years in a happy relationship that we both expected to be permanent. We bought a house together and were planning to have kids. What I didn't know was that he was expecting me to completely recover from my chronic illness; when after some years I hadn't, he left.
Obviously, chronic illness puts a strain on a relationship, and not everyone can cope with that. But if I had known that his commitment was conditional, it would have saved a lot of pain.
I don't believe legal marriage guarantees anything at all, but having to decide exactly what you're signing up for has value. And if your expectations are different, hopefully you find that out sooner rather than later. I'm sure relationship counselling can help bring these issues out in the open.
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Hard News: The scandal that keeps on giving, in reply to Pete Sime,
Oh brilliant, thanks Pete.