Posts by kmont
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Just been watching the beautiful and powerful Alexa Wilson dance naked in a the middle of a circle of people. Performing variously with an axe, a sword and a tutti, she invited the audience/participants to write on her body and respond in various ways. This type of performance contained so much meaning, exchange, politics, sex, intellect and emotion.
Sex positivity is one thing but the whole rest of the web that we live in is still there so I don't think that sex positivity alone would bring about utopia, not that I think that is what Emma is saying,
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to Jackie Clark,
This would also be mine.
There are times when we enjoy sharping our personhood against someone hard and unyielding, maybe someone mean or self-involved, we want to learn something about limits and ourselves. How much we can take. Who we are. Who we are not.
You can have connection without empathy and kindness but it is not advisable on a regular basis.
(I don't think BDSM excludes empathy and kindness by the way).
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Up Front: Towards a Sex-Positive Utopia, in reply to George Darroch,
Can I just say: Usher! *sqwee* *melts*
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Man that edit function is great. It really suits the pendant in me.
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Hey I was supposed to be the one who bought Russell Brown a bloody Maru calendar! What is the world coming to. Have trip planned and it is only just hitting me now how amazing it is going to be to go back 4 years later to Japan and make people happy by taking pressies and bringing pressies back, just like a real Japanese person would.
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Hard News: Meme Syndicate, in reply to Rich Lock,
Snort.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to HORansome,
You are excellent at small talk it is true, and other kinds of talk. When I am in the zone I actually enjoy small talk (this usually involves wine).
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to BenWilson,
Oh I do, I do, I am actually an excellent small talker, black belt in small talk even when I am in the mood but from time to time I just want to be an awkward wallflower and I think it is odd for people who don't know me well to see the contrast. Kind of need a T Shirt 'I am out in public because I am trying to achieve xyz but do not actually want to interact, talk to me but let me passively sit there while you do all of the conversational heavy lifting.'
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,
I know what you mean, I often dislike myself when I am terribly, terribly earnest.
But it is probably worse when I am feeling bored with myself, think I probably project an arrogant uninterested vibe, when what I really want is for SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK.
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Thank you *everyone* for a great thread, this is an amazing discussion and many thanks to Emma for sparking it and Russell for hosting it. I will have to get off my butt and go to Slutwalk.
I have been incredibly fortunate to escape sexual assault in my life. I occasionally tell people about a certain 'long walk home' with a random in Dunedin when I was 19 that involved two sets of stairwells, the dark area behind two buildings, increasing fear, being physically restrained and mentally toyed with. When I felt well and truly threatened to screaming level I rationalised that it would be better to not scream and to imply that if he got back to my place he would get what he wanted. I had drunk possibly about 9 drinks after an argument with my boyfriend and no doubt he considered me a target. I strongly suspect that he had targeted women in the same way before, in fact I bloody know it in my bones.
When we got to my house he tried it on and in no uncertain terms I let him know that if he didn't leave I would scream blue murder and my flatmate would beat the shit out of him.He left.
I think the experience helped me be better able to understand that men who do not respect my boundaries mentally or physically can be very dangerous. Smaller things escalate and you can be deliberately set up to think that you asked for it.
Having said that, I have had so many great fantastic and respectful men in my life. My first boyfriend was left in a sleep out with a drunk me by a couple of my friends and while getting hot and bothered I said hesitantly and quietly 'I am uncomfortable', he clocked immediately what he was dealing with and cooled it without complaint. What a champ and a gent. He was older than me, a Westy who was on PD for drag-racing, who I met in a club while far too young and wearing not a lot frankly. But he understood how to be a man, my mother would have been far more comfortable had she known just what a decent guy he was!
Far too many of my friends have been sexually and physically assaulted in their lives so it is really important to change our culture, which is essentially a culture that enables rapists and shames 'sluts'.