Field Theory by Hadyn Green

Perhaps it was Barack Obama's, constantly mentioned, athletic ability but sport came up an awful lot this American election season. And now I think it's safe to call that this election proved once and for all, despite all prejudices and the fact that I can't stand either of them: basketball is more popular than hockey.

On ESPN's Pardon the Interruption last night Washington Post journalist Michael Wilbon had this to say on the election of Barack Obama:

For 100 years, going back to Jack Johnson, black sports figures have always been accepted when it comes to entertaining white Americans…[but not in politics]

Which is why it's hard to agree with stories that claim: Black athletes eased Obama's path to White House. It was also noted during the same PTI that "sports are the funhouse mirror where we check our reflection". A large number of black people earning money in sport do not mean you have a racially integrated society.

And are the athletes who eased Obama's path actually thinking of racial equality or are they thinking about the big money they're earning?

New York Jets nose tackle Kris Jenkins thought about his taxes, but, more importantly, his three young children and his half-brother serving in Iraq.

"I can't be selfish enough to think about keeping all of my money and just being in a better tax bracket because I have to be sure that I do my part for the world to be a better place for my kids," he said.

And if you do believe that sports helps acceptance then it doesn't bode well for the gay community, who were not only heavily discriminated against on election night but also don't have any mainstream athletes to help "ease" their path.

In fact, Tony Dungy (the first black coach to win the Superbowl) is quoted in that ESPN article, but has openly campaigned against gay rights. I guess equality isn't for everyone.

It's that great Southern Hemisphere racing day: The Melbourne Cup.

The day when latent gamblers are able to take a flutter on the gee-gees. You may have already entered yourself in an office pool. You may be wearing a funny hat or fascinator. You may just be hoping that the bookies aren’t going to take your thumbs.

Whatever the case here a few tips from a guy who spent a large amount of time in one of New Zealand’s horse-racing centres: Matamata (you matter, in Matamata).

• Don’t pick the horse with the funniest name, that is only true is betting on human-racing (see: Bolt, Usain)
• Office pools are not the best idea if you really don’t want to see the person you hate the most at work clutching wads of your hard-earned cash
• Makybe Diva has won the Cup three times in a row, so she’s at least worth a lazy tenner to win her fourth
• When there are a lot of horse races at one track on one day with lots of prize money then it is called a “Carnival”. But all the weird carnies are replaced with weird bookies.
• The more a horse is paying to win the better it is. Fact.
• Aidan and Danny O’Brien are each training three horses in this year’s race. This means they’ve less time to spend with each horse, hence, these under-prepared horses will lose.
• Littorio is being ridden by Steven King. A sure sign that the devil’s work is afoot.
• You’ll want to sneak some booze into wherever you are watching the race. I recommend the old booze in the sandwich trick
• And you will need the booze because horse racing is all about sitting in the sun drinking, losing money and… actually I think that’s about it.

• And remember: if all else fails, go Gonzo.

"That sounds a little weird," I said. "It's unacceptable. We must have access tp everything. All of it. The spectacle, the people, the pageantry and certainly the race. You don't think we came all this way to watch the damn thing on television, do you? One way or another we'll get inside. Maybe we'll have to bribe a guard--or even Mace somebody." (I had picked up a spray can of Mace in a downtown drugstore for $5.98 and suddenly, in the midst of that phone talk, I was struck by the hideous possibilities of using it out at the track. Macing ushers at the narrow gates to the clubhouse inner sanctum, then slipping quickly inside, firing a huge load of Mace into the governor's box, just as the race starts. Or Macing helpless drunks in the clubhouse restroom, for their own good...)

I've mentioned the Dropkicks' patented Athletes and Dicks of the Week system before and this weekend of sport seems to be a good opportunity to bring it up again.

First up, the good guys: Athletes of the Week

• Well, yes, the All Blacks did win, but I hardly think that warrants the title of Athletes of the Week. Especially now that Hore is out and I have to get ulcers worrying about the lineout. (Quick question, was the game replayed on Sunday on Prime? I couldn't see a listing)
• Lewis Hamilton becomes the first person to make coming fifth exciting! He passes the Toyota driver, Timo Glock, in the final lap to get the minimum points he needed to win the F1 championship. Still I can't get excited about him. If it was Schumacher I'd being jumping up and down in my seat. By the way, it's fairly safe to say motorsports fans in England have a trouser-tent are excited about Hamilton.
• Paula Radcliffe won her third New York Marathon (only the second woman to ever do that). Take note of Radcliffe every chance you can, she is the type of athlete of whom trivia questions shall be written.
• Richard Irvine get nomination for his latest cartoon
• Richard Boock's column about racism in sport was quite interesting (and will be the base for a future post). Nah, not athlete of the week, but just something to read.
• Our women's under-17 World Cup team. They are the hosts and while the results haven't been what we all wanted they are still playing their guts out.
  
  Tomorrow night is their final game (in Wellington against Colombia) and if you can get along to the stadium you should (and take the kids if you can).

And now the black hats, and far more interesting to write about: Dicks of the Week

• Sir Allen Stanford put up $20m for a cricket match called the Standford 20/20. The amount made it the largest prize ever played for in cricket. The main event was the money match between England and the Stanford Superstars played at Stanford's own cricket pitch in Antigua. (Standford is clearly not a egotist).
  
  The Superstars were players from across the Caribbean and would get $1m each for the win, if they won, which they did. Convincingly.
  
  It's unclear who the biggest dick here is. It might be the English cricket team who almost lost to Trinidad and Tobago earlier in the week (a match I actually watched) and then were publicly saying that they wouldn't let the money change them when they won.
  
  But the easier target is Stanford.
  

  During England's first match, Stanford was seen cavorting with three of the players' wives; one of them actually sat on his knee. Stanford later claimed not to have known who the women were, but the players were seriously put out by his behaviour.

  
  He also irked most of the establishment by basically paying for his own cricket-based gladiatorial contest. And England are contracted to be involved in this "tournament" for another four years. And given some slightly dodgy whisperings about Stanford's business practices that might be a bad thing.
  
  Finally the series seared many innocent viewers retina with some of the Worst. Uniforms. Ever.
• Wow, that may be the closest I've ever come to writing a post on cricket

• Scottish coach Frank Hadden is believed to be fielding an under-strength team against the All Blacks, with the idea that he'll put his best up against South Africa. I'm not sure what good can come of that. Your top players miss out on playing the number one team in the world (a team that may also contain a lot of reserves).
  
  There is a certain record we hold over Scotland and they are never going to break that duck by fielding an under-strength team. Have some fucking faith Hadden!
• Is the Rugby League World Cup interesting? Nope. Not unless Australia suffer a large number of injuries and suspensions. Nice unis though Oz, well done!
• Via Naly D I hear some nasty sexism from Sky commentator Lelsey Murdoch.
  

  What on earth are two men doing umpiring an international women's fixture like that?

  
  Ahem.
• Philadelphia Phillie fans for rioting when their team won. It seems to be the thing that all American fans do when their team wins: trash the streets of the city they love. I totally don't get it.
• And finally Joaquin Phoenix. Nice handwriting buddy.

I'm standing in my living room holding a replica Fender Stratocaster and I imagine I am playing it with the skill, dexterity, and swagger of the love child of Jack White and Keith Richards. That is until I catch my reflection in the window and realise I look more like the awkward guitarist in a church rock band trying not to mangle Michael Row the Boat Ashore.

Meantime Amy is in full swing on the drum kit. Bashing at the red and green pads that represent cymbals and snare, and looking very cool. I try to add flare with the whammy bar, no dice. I realise I can't think of one technically proficient but aesthetically boring rock guitarist.

Next song up we choose Mississippi Queen and I decide to try it on (bum bum buuuum) medium difficulty. Within 30 seconds I am leaping around the room, picking up riffs and laughing maniacally. By the end of the song I am surfing a huge adrenaline buzz. Gone are the days where I am placated by sitting on my couch twiddling my thumbs to play games. This is the funnest game I have ever played.

Greater user interactivity is not a new thing with games. For me it began with the orange and grey Nintendo Zapper Light Gun for Duck Hunt. Then much later the bigger, multi-button and triggered controllers that required more than two-button mashing. The race-car set-ups with gear sticks and steering wheels. The "realistic" fighter jet joysticks. Then the Wii came out, the first game system that actually made you work up a sweat.

I've got a baseball game for the Wii called The Bigs, which is the first game I've played that feels almost like I'm playing the real game (with the possible exception of Wii golf, I suck at real golf, I suck at Wii golf). You swing and pitch and "run". In fact, after playing The Bigs for a few months I went to get tattooed and noticed that my pitching arm was bigger then my non-pitching arm. Jokes ensued.

A few months ago we got a Wii Fit too, leaning and hula-hoop became incredibly addictive and really hard work. But the game got a little too preachy and creepily personal for us ("I haven't seen you in a while Hadyn, where have you been?" "Why do you think you've gained weight Hadyn?"). But still it was totally fun.

So while Rock Band could've been a game where you sit in front of your TV pressing buttons on a regular controller, by making that controller into the shape of a guitar or a drum kit, suddenly you have made the funnest and most addictive game I've played since... well, actually since I got Wii sport.

But just in case Amy and I were crazy and this game actually sucked, I enlisted the help of a couple of bandmates. Mike (drums) and Jed (photographer, vocals and drums when we could prise Mike off them) showed up, we ate fish and chips, drank beer and rocked. The fuck. Out.

We could've rock and rolled all night (and partied every day). We only stopped because it was getting late and we didn't want to annoy the neighbours. Not very rock and roll, but it is just a game.

I was just sent a link about a study done on Little Britain:

Little Britain does far more to promote racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism and classism than it does to satirise them - though it does do that from time to time.

This threw me a little. While I'm tired of it now, Little Britain used to make me laugh, now I feel uncomfortable.

Researcher Deborah Finding found that the characters on Little Britain had physical traits that were used to project public "fears" of particular groups (homosexuals, single mothers etc). I was even more surprised to find myself agreeing with her.

Daffyd, "the only gay in the village", is a personification of the idea that all homosexuals (or at least the men) are flamboyant, hot-pants-wearing activists. Vicky Pollard is the ultimate chav teen: overweight; chain-smoking; pregnant; arrogant; foul-mouthed; and promiscuous. By laughing at the characters we are acknowledging that we have these fears ourselves (though again feel weird because I thought Daffyd was funny).

Finding said that certain characters were "done right", such as Linda Flint – the University counsellor who tries, over the phone, to describe students by appearance, beginning with pleasant and politically correct terms before lapsing into offensive phrases like 'the big fat lesbian' or 'ching-chong Chinaman'.

The sketch shows how well-meaning attempts to instil approved language and 'diversity awareness' in a workplace are superficial in their effects.

So how thin is the line between satirising stereotypes and hatred and projecting stereotypes and hatred?

It's not just a case of "I'm part of the group so I can make jokes about it". Seinfeld made jokes about being Jewish often when the show featured his family, but the jokes were funny even if you didn't know what "Jewish" was. But what about Billy T's Te News, with his newsreader who was unable to pronounce long words?

I love dissecting jokes, but dissecting why we find things funny is awful.

Finding's paper is available here.